One of my male co-workers has a full beard. The problem is that his beard has a terrible dandruff problem. When he wears dark shirts his chest looks like someone dumped powdered sugar all over him. It’s disgusting. I’m thinking about leaving an anonymous gift of a beard grooming product and hope he gets the hint. Do you think that would work? Do you have any better ideas?
My second idea is that this calls for a new Top Ten.
Evil Skippy’s Top Ten Ways
To Deal With A Co-Worker’s Beard Dandruff
- Hire a hit man.*
- Tell him, “I’ve never seen a shirt pattern like that before – tiny polka dots on the chest but not on the back. Oh.”
- Open your eyes wide and say, “Whoa! When you shake your head it reminds me of the Great Blizzard of ‘09”.
- A mini-vacuum.
- Organize a Shave Posse – but be sure to look up “assault” in your local criminal code before making any final plans.
- Casually stare at the facial hair and ask, “Did you know that one of the main causes of beard dandruff is malassezia fungus**?”
- During a conversation lull, interject with “Do you think there is a shampoo called Chin, Neck and Shoulders? Just wondering for some reason.”
- Hum a certain Christmas carol when you pass by him.
- Plant a fake corporate newsletter around the office with the headline, “Rumors Confirmed That Bearded Men And Women Will Be First On Massive Layoff List”.***
- Leave a dandruff control product for beards (perhaps one recommended by GQ) on one side of his desk and a pair of scissors and razor blade on the other. Between them, place a sign that says, “Pick one. Really.”
*Yep, I said it yesterday and I said it today.
** In addition to fungal facts, while researching for this post I learned that the correct term for this malady is “BEARDRUFF”.
*** No gender discrimination or assumptions here, folks!
— Evil Skippy
P.S. Thanks so much for specifying that you were writing about a male colleague.
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