Dear Evil Skippy:
I applied for a transfer/promotion into our Human Resources Department. Other than knowledge of employment regulations and the like, what do you think are the top ten attributes of effective human resources professionals?
Your wish is granted. Perhaps you should aim higher next time — maybe wish to win the lottery?
The Top Ten Attributes of Effective Human Resources Professionals
1. The ability to express “No,” “Not now,” and “Scram.”
2. That rare balance of a sense of humor combined with the self-control to not so much as crack the barest hint of a smile at inappropriate moments.
3. A small army of reliable caterers on speed dial for last minute lunch meetings and client receptions.
4. Knows at least three different ways to exit the building without being seen.
5. A health insurance plan that includes mental health counseling on demand.
6. Legal counsel who provide advice rather than launch into a 45-minute risk analysis monologue.
7. A mini-bar.
8. Tremendous amounts of restraint so you don’t slap multiple people each work day. Keep it down to one.
9. Mental telepathy and a working crystal ball.
10. Being named Pam. Seventy-six percent of human resources managers in the U.S. are named Pam and the number is growing. Whatever your gender, change your name to Pam if you want to make it big in Human Resources.
Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.