I was recently promoted from secretary to executive assistant, but my boss still asks me to bring coffee to him. How should I respond now that I am no longer just his secretary?
— Moving Up
There are so many ways to respond. Here are ten:
- “With or without phlegm?”
- “What’s the magic word?”
- “Stick it where the sun doesn’t shine, old man. I’m not your servant.”
- “We’ve run out.”
- If you are a woman, apply extra lipstick and then taste the coffee before taking it to the boss. Tell him it’s been tested for poison and he is safe. Heck, go ahead and do this if you are a guy, too.
- “Too much caffeine can cause health problems. Can I bring you a Quadruple Grande?”
- “I don’t see a cast on either of those legs. Get off your fat behind and get your own damn coffee.”
- “I thought it was your turn.”
- “Je ne parle pas Anglais.”
- If other managers are nearby, “Do you really mean coffee or was that your code for vodka?”
You’re welcome. Now, find a Witness Protection Program to join so you can hide from all of the people who are “just” secretaries and who now want to slap you.
— Evil Skippy
Before you do anything, look around. At your particular workplace, is “executive assistant” a synonym for “senior secretary”, “secretary with a better title so we don’t have to give a big raise” or something similar? In other words, figure out if your “promotion” meant a change of job duties. Maybe it did; maybe it didn’t.
If it turns out that fetching coffee is not part of your job description and being asked to fetch it bothers you, be a grown up and have a grown up talk with your boss.
Readers – what would you do?
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