Even Evil Skippy takes a vacation now and then. While ES is enjoying the wonders of Buenos Aires, please enjoy a classic blast from Evil Skippy’s past. Watch for some observations about the workplaces of Argentina after we return – if we decide to come back, that is.
— ES and J
I saw you speak recently and was really impressed. Whenever I give presentations, I get real nervous and it shows. You always seem to be enjoying yourself. How do you stay so calm in front of large groups?
– Stage Fright Guy
Dear Stage Fright Guy:
– Evil Skippy
Before some twit starts thinking I’m a real-life version of Nurse Jackie, here is a serious answer. I stay calm because so many strange, terrible and/or unexpected things have happened to me in front of an audience. Since I survived those experiences, I know I can handle whatever happens. How terrible were those experiences? Here’s a list. I dare you all to share your worst experiences with a comment below.
My Ten Worst Experiences In Front Of An Audience
In no particular order . . .
- The vomiting co-presenter.
- As a college actor, going on-stage despite running a fever and then passing out right after giving my big speech.
- Having a police officer come into the room, tell everyone that we were in “lock down” due to a sniper and to stay down on the floor.
- The co-presenter who kept wearing her microphone when she left the presentation to visit the rest-room, and then transmitted bathroom sounds into the auditorium as I was speaking.
- While performing in a community play when I was about 14 years old, having just one line, forgetting it and then pretending it was supposed to be someone else talking at that point.
- During a training course, a woman went into labor right after I loudly knocked over a small podium.
- Looking at a video-monitor and seeing a large piece of spinach wedged between my teeth.
- In a high school play, opening the door to let in a porter who wasn’t there (the actor was messing around with another kid backstage and missed his cue). The rest of us on stage ad libbed for about ten minutes, starting with someone saying “It must have been a practical joker!”
- Gesturing grandly and knocking my coffee into the front row.
- Forced to “volunteer” to perform in a rap number at one of the Orlando amusement parks. I can’t remember which one. The guilty party remains unpunished. Revenge is a dish best served cold.