Evil Skippy At Work

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Evil Skippy Slaps “Himself”!

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Dear Evil Skippy:

If I have a sudden urge to slap myself a few times, does it mean I need psychiatric help?

— Jim

Dear Jim:

Not necessarily. It just means you have an adventurous streak. However writing to your own alter-ego does seem to be creeping toward a desperate cry for help.

— Evil Skippy

Yes, readers, it is true. I have slapped myself. It’s only fair since ES has slapped so many poor saps in the past. Here’s what happened.

On Wedensday, I presented my 2018 Harassment Prevention program to a local employer. Not to brag or anything, but I was a smash hit. Attendees were engaged; hands were clapped.  My class members asked great questions and best of all I got lots of laughs. No wonder Jim Gaffigan and Margaret Cho do what they do.  I drove home smiling, even wishing the bad drivers a nice day. Throw me your best pitch, World! I’m ready.

Be careful about tempting the World. The 90-mph pitch hit me in the face and I didn’t even get walked to First Base.

OK, I was not actually playing sports with wooden weapons and projectiles. My physician discourages such activity due to a monumental lack of skill and depth perception — I only catch baseballs by accident. Instead, I was hit by that ubiquitous tormentor of our time –  e-mail. Here is the message, with names changed to protect the innocent:

Jim,

I enjoyed very much your presentation today about harassment in the workplace.  But I have to admit one of your slides bothered me a bit, not that I was offended by it but that it seemed to undermine your presentation a little bit. 

Excuse the interruption and allow me to show you the slide:

 

 

Interruption over. Back to the e-mail:

I may have been the only one that noticed this on your slide with the dirty joke book reference but the authors of the book were Mike Oxbent and Harry P. Ness.  It may never happen that anybody complains about this but I know that if this presentation were to be given to my staff, there is one team member who would express dissatisfaction that an expert on sexual harassment would have shown a slide like this.  My apologies if this was intended to be funny but I thought it was more likely that you didn’t notice.

— Abraham Lincoln

OMG. Have you ever heard the expression, “I died a little inside”? I was water-boarded first. Slaps to me as well as an appointment with the eye doctor.

As bad as this already is, I’ve used this particular slide during the “Is It Harassment?” group exercises for YEARS and never noticed the authors’ names. Never. (I had to read the first name several times before I “got it” – and that was only because I finally read it out loud. Whoops!) It took me about 4.3 seconds to create a new slide:

 

 

So. To any previous class members who noticed the old slide and were appalled – so sorry. To any previous class members who thought, “I bet Jim has no idea. This is hysterical” – good one! You got me! To the rest of you who did not notice – move on and pretend this never happened.

The lesson here? Anyone can screw up. Some of us just do it more dramatically than others.

OK readers, I’ve confessed. Your turn. Help me heal my self-image and share times when you messed up at work in a public way. Pretty please?

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

Not Your Grandpa’s Dress Code

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Dear Evil Skippy:

My grandpa and dad always told me to wear a tie to interviews but I’ve noticed few young men do so these days. When did the rules change? Should I wear a tie to interviews?

— D.E.T.

Dear DET:

I’m guessing based on your question that you are too old to get an interview anyway, so why worry?

— Evil Skippy

Ouch. That one stung even me.

Speaking as someone of a certain age (60 is pretty certain, right?), I have vast experience about things changing (and about not getting interviews even for jobs I once held). I cringe when I hear myself telling some young whippersnapper, “I remember back when. . . .”

Ties are not as universal as they once were. Beards were gone and now they’re back. Spandex shows up in board rooms. Carbon paper? What’s that?

In answer to your question, my usual advice for both men and women is to check out the prospective workplace before an interview to see what folks wear there. It’s kind of like stalking but it’s for professional research so it’s not creepy. After you do your research, aim to dress slightly more formal than the work group. If you want to wear a tie or a dress and wearing it gives you confidence, wear the tie or the dress. (However, if you are a man and want to wear a dress, that would be a whole different blog post. Maybe in 50 years it won’t be a big deal, but in 2018 a man in a dress at an interview will garner some attention. Whether that attention is good or bad depends on the job).

The key things are to dress as if you already have the job and to exude confidence. If you get too worried about what you are wearing, you will bomb instead of exuding confidence – so don’t worry.

Easier said than done for some people. Good luck and, if you want, tie one on.

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

Ten Ways To Deal With Unwanted Dinner Invitations

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Dear Evil Skippy:

I have a co-worker who keeps inviting my husband and me to her place for dinner. The thing is, I don’t really like this person and have no desire to get to know her husband. I am very cordial at work and she has mistaken this for me wanting to be real friends with her. I don’t. Work is work, etc. I have turned her down at least ten times but she keeps asking. What can I do to make her stop? It’s annoying.

— Brenda

Dear Brenda:

The answer is simple. Accept the dinner invitation, and then:

  1. Arrive thirty minutes early.
  2. Go through the medicine cabinet and rearrange everything so it is obvious that you did so. Help yourself to any fun medications.
  3. Every ten minutes say, “Doesn’t anyone else smell that? Is it mold?”
  4. When dinner is served, look down at your plate. After an uncomfortable pause ask, “What exactly is this?”
  5. Rearrange your food without eating a thing. Don’t explain.
  6. Ask your co-worker and her husband if they are cousins because they look so much alike.
  7. Burp. Repeatedly.
  8. Mid-way through the main course, tell the story about the video you saw of a heart transplant. Go into great detail.
  9. If the carpet or furniture is white or light, spill your Merlot.
  10. Stay until dawn.

That should do it.  On the other hand, you could just grow a spine and tell your co-worker that you are never going to accept her invitation so she should stop asking. If that is too blunt, see a therapist so you can learn how to handle such an extreme annoyance as a dinner invitation. 

— Evil Skippy

While this may not be an earth-shattering problem, I can see how it would be annoying in the workplace. It’s not like you can avoid the person, right? You’ve been saying no and that has not worked. If you have been making excuses (such as a prior commitment, sunspots or zombies) — stop. Just say no and don’t give a reason. If she still keeps asking, you either have to tell her directly to stop asking or accept the fact that you are going to be rejecting her invitations for the foreseeable future. You could talk to your supervisor if it is THAT annoying. However, put yourself in your supervisor’s place. How would you feel if someone interrupted your real work to tell you that they were annoyed by dinner invitations?

Yes, this is annoying but unless your co-worker is interfering with your ability to do your work, this one sounds like a “deal with it yourself situation” to me. Readers — what do you say?

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

My Employee Abuses The Vacation System

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Dear Evil Skippy –

I manage a department of 50 employees.  Juggling vacation requests can be a big headache.  We often have more people wanting to be away than we can have be gone at one time.  The 4thof July seems to always be one of the most problematic times because employees want to use more time when the kids are out of school.   We grant vacation on a “first come, first served” basis.  Whoever gets their request approved first gets the time off.  (Employees may request time off up to a year in advance.  Seniority only applies if two people hand in their requests at the same time.)

I have one employee, Mary (not her real name), who always plays the system.  Last year, she called in sick for two days after the Thanksgiving holiday and after her last-minute vacation request had been denied.  I am pretty sure that she was in California with relatives and not home sick, but I can’t prove it.  There have been other times in the past when this happened.

She just asked for the entire week off after the 4th.  Three employees who asked for the days off months ago are already scheduled to be on vacation.  Five other employees previously asked for the same time off and were denied because we can’t handle more than three away right now.   I have a bad feeling that Mary will call in sick again.  This is going to wreck my 4th because I will be anticipating her sick call.  What can I do to stop her from cheating?

–  Sam the Supervisor (Not my real name)

Dear “Sam” –

Mayne you can stop her with a Taser.  They stop people from doing lots of things.

But why taze her or worry yourself?  Just accept the fact that she is going to cheat and enjoy your fireworks and barbecue.  Meanwhile, study the many ways that she may try to trick you – there are web sites devoted to helping employees like her, such as the one at this link.   Check it out and when she calls in sick on Tuesday, be prepared to follow my script.  (Here is an Evil Skippy Helpful Hint:  the more she coughs over the phone when she says she is sick, the more likely it is that she is as healthy as the proverbial horse.)  

Mary:  [Hack, hack, wheeze]  This is Mary.  [Hack, whimper]

You:    Hi Mary.  I was getting worried.  You were due here ten minutes ago.

Mary:  [Choke, hack]  I know.  [Cough, cough]  I am really sick. [Hack, hack, cough]

You:    What a shame.  And you were so healthy on Friday.  So, how late will you be today?

Mary:  Late?  I’m sick!

You:  You sound better now.

Mary:  [Cough, cough]

You:    Cut the drama, Mary.  You know and I know that you just want to extend your vacation.  Stop faking it and get your healthy self here on the double.  If you don’t, every day will be Independence Day for you because you won’t have a job.

How’s that for fireworks?

—  Evil Skippy

Ahem.  Let me translate “Evil Skippy Speak” into a more professional approach.

Evil Skippy is correct that you must confront Mary if she fakes being sick.  It is not fair to the other employees if you let her get away with this.   He is wrong, however, to suggest waiting for her to call in before taking action.  The proverbial healthy horse will already be out of the barn by then.

Assuming that she comes into work the day before the holiday, have a private chat with her.  Tell her that you have noticed her pattern of missing work the day after a holiday.  (Have the attendance records in hand in case she objects that she has never done that.  While you are at it, check to see if Mary has Monday/Friday Absence Syndrome).  Tell Mary that if she calls in sick on the day after the holiday this time, you will require a doctor’s note to verify her condition.  Be sure to document the conversation – perhaps using the methods from The “Draft Performance Evaluation File”: A Supervisor’s Best Friend.

At this point, she may act hurt and say she would never lie to you.  She is lying.  Ignore the lie and just smile as sincerely as you can manage, and say this:  “That’s great to hear.  I’m glad this conversation was not necessary after all.  I was just concerned because we will be short-handed next week.  I know you’re disappointed about not getting to extend the holiday, but as long as you get your forms in earlier next year – you shouldn’t be disappointed again.  See you on the 5th!”

 There you go again, back on the high road.  If your plan does not work, can we light a firecracker under her chair?

No.  But if she calls in and fails to provide an acceptable verification, we can use the Evil Skippy approach of granting her an independence day, every day.

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

My Employee Has A Business Degree And I Don’t

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Dear Evil Skippy:

One of my employees messed up a project, so I counseled him about his mistakes. It was just a constructive coaching session. It was not a discipline or corrective action matter. I was taken by surprise when this employee said one of his problems was feeling underutilized. When I asked what he meant, he said it was hard for him as a “person with a degree in business management” having to report to someone with a liberal arts degree. (That would be me; my major was American History).

I simply told him he would need to deal with those feelings because the bottom line is he needs to meet expectations. I’m curious – what would you have done in my place?

— Benjamin

Dear Benjamin:

In your place? I would have majored in Political Science or Literature. I simply do not have a good head for dates.

In your place with that employee, I would have told him that it is curious that a smart business major like him managed to mess up the project so completely. As an added bonus, I would have let him know that I will gladly make things easier for him by processing his resignation if he no longer wishes to report to me because it is so hard.

—  Evil Skippy

P.S.  Watch your back. He probably wants your job.

Your employee sounds like a really pleasant fellow. By “really pleasant”, I mean a jerk. He’s trying to rattle you. Ignore his jabs. Since he obviously thinks his job is beneath him, he’s probably looking for greener pastures anyway. Keep your fingers crossed that your he leaves and your next hire majored in Art Appreciation.

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

The Top Ten Questions To Ask Candidates For Promotion To Supervisor

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Dear Evil Skippy:

We have an opening for a supervisor and are going to hire someone from within the company. We’ll be interviewing the three finalists next week. Do you have some killer questions we can ask to determine who is the best candidate?

— R.M.

Dear R.M.:

One? How about ten?

Evil Skippy’s Top Ten Questions

To Ask Candidates For Promotion To Supervisor

  1. Are you nuts?
  2. Why on earth would you want to be a supervisor?
  3. Are you nuts?
  4. Other than this desire to be supervisor, do you have any other suicidal impulses?
  5. Are you nuts?
  6. Did you believe all those stories about supervisors make Big Bucks?
  7. Are you nuts?
  8. Do you think water-boarding has its place in the progressive discipline system?
  9. Did you know repetition is the key to learning?
  10. Are you nuts?

—  Evil Skippy

There aren’t magic questions for interviews. Every interviewer and every interviewee is different. The key is to plan ahead and frame questions that will help you gauge an applicant’s fitness for a particular position. You’ve said you are interviewing internal candidates, so your job is a great deal easier than interviewing strangers because you will have the benefit of actual job experience to review. What an applicant says at an interview can be very revealing and helpful, but it will never compare to your observations of what a person actually does on the job. It is not so difficult to “wow” you during a one-hour talk. It’s another thing to impress you over time with one’s demonstrated work ethic, organization and attitude.

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

Calling In Sick After A 3-Day Weekend

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Dear Evil Skippy:

What are the odds that an employee is really sick when they call in on the Monday after a three-day weekend?

— Curious Supervisor

Dear Curious:

It is a 100% certainty that they are sick – if “sick of work” counts.

— Evil Skippy

Years ago, when I was a brand new attorney and trying to make the best possible impression on the law partners at my office, I came down with a horrible case of the flu over the Memorial Day weekend. It was one of those attacks that made it very, very risky to stray more than five feet from a bathroom. I could tell that my boss was suspicious when I called in sick. Fortunately, I was the office’s Patient Zero and several other people were laid low within a few days so he stopped wondering once it was his turn to experience the joys of debilitating gastric distress.

The lessons learned: (1) Just because things look suspicious does not mean anyone is guilty; and (2) When you share, good things happen to you (even if it is only having your boss no longer doubt your story).

Readers – what do you think when someone calls in sick the day after a holiday weekend?

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

I Think My Boss Is About To Fire Me

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Dear Evil Skippy:

I have had a strong premonition for several days that my boss is thinking about firing me. He has not said anything yet. What should I do at this point to protect myself?

— Brian

Dear Brian:

Don’t drink and drive, do wear a seat belt and don’t walk down dark alleys while talking on your new smart phone and carrying lots of cash. That should protect you from lots of things.

As for your job situation, either start doing a better job so your boss won’t want to fire you and/or get a mental health examination to see if maybe you have a streak of paranoia.

— Evil Skippy

Here’s another approach. When you are meeting with your boss about routine work matters, pause before heading back to your desk and say, “I know my performance evaluation is not due for a while, but how do you think things are going? I want to make sure that I’m meeting all expectations.” That way, instead of merely wondering about your job status, you’ll have actual input. Worrying is a waste of time unless you do something about whatever is worrying you.

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

What Should A Supervisor Do When An Employee Starts Crying?

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Dear Evil Skippy:

I was giving a performance evaluation this morning and my employee started crying. (It was not a great review but she is not in any trouble – she just needs to improve a few simple things). This threw me. I did not know what to do so I off just kept going on with the review as if everything was normal. Please give me some advice on what to do when an employee cries.

— Jeremy

Dear Jeremy:

Take your pick:

  1. Suppress the urge to giggle.
  2. Sob back – louder.
  3. Say, “Are you crying? Are you CRYING? There’s no crying in Quality Control [or whatever it is you do]!” 

—  Evil Skippy

I once worked with an attorney who thought if a woman cried during a deposition, one should offer some words of reassurance or comfort. She said if a man cried, she wanted him patted down for weapons. Thank goodness we have advanced from such sexist days; now she just wants everyone patted down.

I experienced a few crying employees during my H.R. and supervisor days. I also have had more than a few crying witnesses during depositions. Fun times. I do the same thing whenever it happens. I pause, look sincerely concerned (no matter how I actually feel) and ask the person if he or she would like to take a short break. If it is an option – and sometimes it is not an option – I will offer to reassume on a different day.

People have emotions. Some cry. Some don’t. There is no reason to panic and no reason to abort all management tasks for the day with respect to the employee. Be kind, be compassionate but don’t be a sap.

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

My Supervisor Yells And Throws Things

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Dear Evil Skippy:

When my supervisor gets upset at someone or about something, he yells. Sometimes he throws things. His face gets red and he looks like he might strangle someone. It happens at least once a week. Usually more. It’s upsetting even when he is not directing it at me personally. How can we make him stop?

— Michelle

Dear Michelle:

Duct tape and/or tranquilizer darts. Unless you have perfect aim and nerves of steel, go with the tape.

—  Evil Skippy

P.S.  Your supervisor sounds like a jerk. If you don’t want to get close enough to use duct tape, grab your phone and start recording the next rant while saying, “This will go viral! I’m going to be famous!”

I don’t often accuse ES of stupidity but today is one of those days. Do not under any circumstances pretend to or actually record your boss while he is in mid-rant. From the way you describe him, his behavior is out of control. Never provoke someone who is in that zone – it’s potentially dangerous.

Do document the rants. You are off to a good job in your letter to me because you described his red face – that is a fact and not an opinion.  Record more facts and not just your conclusion that he is mad and upset. Write down where the behavior happened, when it happened and what exactly he said and did. Who was around and who was affected? The more detail the better. Then, go to human resources or your supervisor’s boss and in a calm, professional manner report what has taken place. It could go something like this: “I’ve been concerned about a pattern of behavior that is causing tension in our workplace. Because it has been happening on a regular basis for several months, I made a point of jotting down the details from an incident this afternoon. Our supervisor came into our work area and threw a notebook down on the conference table. [And so on].”  Did you notice how I emphasized that this is a regular pattern of behavior?

Management should counsel your supervisor immediately and let him know that this behavior will not be tolerated in any employee, particularly a supervisor. Perhaps he needs to go to EAP. Perhaps he just needs to get his inner child under control and let his outer adult be the supervisor. Perhaps he’s burned out and needs to stop being a supervisor. Whatever he needs, if your supervisor keeps allowing his inner child to run around at work, he should be terminated.

Good luck. Readers – how have you dealt with a yeller in the workplace?

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.