Evil Skippy At Work – Helping make workplaces great, one snarky comment at a time.

The Resume Is Full Of Trite Cliches

September 11, 2018 by Jim 2 Comments

Dear Evil Skippy:

I work as a Human Resources Assistant. One of my duties is to review resumes to determine who should be interviewed. I am beginning to think applicants have all gone to the same resume seminar because they seem to have all developed an inability to communicate in plain English. Instead, the resumes use trite cliches such as applicants are “looking for increased responsibility to exercise their relationship and leadership skills” or have “a proven record for being a team player and thinking outside the box”. One recent applicant used the word “proactive” eleven times. They all seem to have a checklist to make sure they say things like “synergy”, “strategic thinker” or “value added”.

It is often just a bunch of gibberish. Would you simply reject the applicant or offer them some helpful hints?

— Pam

Dear Pam:

I would send them a letter in their own language, such as this:

Dear Applicant:

In our mission to be a proactive employer of choice, we apply strategic thinking and critical analysis to make every hiring decision a win-win situation.

You didn’t win.

Sincerely,

ABC Corp.

Bonus points if you can fit in “paradigm shift”, “low hanging fruit” or “push the envelope”

— Evil Skippy

Boiler-plate and cut-and-paste resumes are a quick way for a qualified applicant to become part of the rejection pile. However, unless the position you have open is that of “Resume Writer” or another job that requires strong writing skills, I would not immediately reject an applicant because of a cliché-ridden resume. The person might be the best sales person/widget-maker/hair stylist/whatever who you have ever encountered. Channel your inner Sherlock Holmes and really read the experience and education sections of the resume to see if the person is someone who might meet your needs. That’s your job, right?

Remember, your applicant might have a great looking resume simply because she or he hired someone competent to write it. Don’t assume it reflects the person’s actual writing skills.

Last but not least, unless an applicant asks you what you think of the resume – keep your editing thoughts to yourself.

Readers – what do you say?

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

How Do I Tell An Employee Her Clothes Are Too Sexy?

September 5, 2018 by Jim 3 Comments

Dear Evil Skippy:

What is the best way to tell an employee that her clothes are too sexy?

— A New Supervisor

Dear Newbie:

It depends on what you have in mind. If your goal is to get the company on the superhighway to litigation, tell her over drinks in a dark bar. If your goal is to tell her she has to wear something else to work, try Plain English. Simple words. Short sentences.

— Evil Skippy

Yep. Just tell her – not that her clothes are too “sexy”, though. Tell her that the outfit she is wearing (or wore yesterday) does not meet the office dress code requirements because it is too revealing, too glittery, too whatever. Be calm. Don’t be critical. Just communicate.

Readers – how would you handle this?

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

How Do I Motivate An Employee To Show Up?

August 27, 2018 by Jim Leave a Comment

Dear Evil Skippy:

What can I do to motivate an employee to show up for work? I have a new guy who does great work when he is here. The problem is he is absent a lot and he’s only been on the payroll for two months. He missed the entire week last week and except for his first week here has never had a full week of perfect attendance. How would you turn this guy around?

— Supervisor

Dear “Supervisor”:

I would turn this guy around by re-assigning him to a new boss who understands the basics of supervision. You sure don’t.

— Evil Skippy

You may be a supervisor, but you have not been supervising. Acceptable attendance is a basic job requirement. So why has the new guy lasted this long with lousy attendance? You did not tell me his reasons for being gone, but I am deducing that he did not provide good ones or you would not now be expressing concerns about “turning him around”.

If there are no extenuating circumstances to explain the absences, I vote for termination*(see below). New employees know they are under a microscope and know they are supposed to be at work as scheduled. If unacceptable attendance is what you’re getting now, what happens after a year?

If there are extenuating circumstances of some kind, you still need to sit down with your employee – when and if he shows up for work — and set attendance expectations. You should have set the expectations on his first day of work. Talk to your own boss and/or H.R. manager for guidance.

Today.

Today because time is running out. (There may be policies that give you special alternatives that apply to new employees – such as more latitude when it comes to discipline and discharge).

* It should go without saying, but I do not want to take any chances with you. I do not actually have a vote when it comes to terminating your new guy, That was a figure of speech. You need to talk to your boss, HR person or lawyer to know what is appropriate in your given situation.

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

The Most Effective Way To Deal With Unruly Employees

August 20, 2018 by Jim Leave a Comment

Dear Evil Skippy:

What is the most effective way to deal with a disruptive, rude and inefficient employee (without hiring lawyers)?

— Business Owner

Dear B.O.:

By hiring a hit man.

— Evil Skippy

If you are going for effective AND legal, perhaps you could simply learn the basics of employee management and progressive discipline. I suggest “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Human Resources Management”. In your case, I have a feeling the title would be accurate (and no, I did not get compensated for mentioning this book). I have never read it but I think anything would be an improvement for you.

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

My Employee Loves Movies About Weed

August 16, 2018 by Jim 1 Comment

Dear Evil Skippy:

We had a department retreat last week. During one of the mixers and team building exercises, we all listed five of our favorite movies and TV shows. (The goal was to see who could match up the most movies and shows to the right person). One employee listed Half Baked, Weeds, Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle, Up in Smoke and Pineapple Express. Should I be concerned that this employee might be using drugs at work?

— Supervisor

Dear Supervisor:

Heck no! You should be concerned that he or she left out Reefer Madness. What’s wrong with that person?

Peace Out,

Evil Skippy

P.S. Be glad the employee didn’t list one of my favorite shows, Breaking Bad. Wouldn’t you rather worry about weed than meth?

The time to be concerned about employee drug use is when the employee appears to be under the influence of something at work. I like to watch baseball, but I can’t throw or hit. A friend of mine loves Dexter but I don’t think he is a secret serial killer. (Probably not, anyway). A person’s movie and television preference is not a basis for suspecting inappropriate workplace conduct.

In addition, I am going to suggest that you take a deep breath and ask yourself if perhaps you aren’t missing an obvious explanation — your employee was trying to get a laugh. Lighten up.

Readers — what do you say?

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

The Applicant Made “Borderline” Racist Comments

August 6, 2018 by Jim 2 Comments

Dear Evil Skippy:

I am hiring a few customer service reps. One guy seemed great on paper and was pleasant, but during his interview he made some comments that are border-line racist regarding Hispanics. They weren’t directly hateful but they would have earned him a talking-to if he worked here. Would it be OK to hire him if I talk to him about his comments, making sure he knows not to say these things on the job? He is otherwise a great candidate.

— H.R. Manager

Dear H.R. Manager:

Hire a person who feels free to make borderline racist comments during his interview so long as he keeps his racist tendencies a secret at work? What could possible go wrong with that?

In case that was too subtle, I am calling you a dolt. Happy Double Slap Monday!

One slap to your applicant for being a jerk during his interview by making “borderline racist” comments. A second (harder) slap to you for even considering that you might hire him.

— Evil Skippy

I agree with the slaps. If someone makes discipline-worthy comments at his interview and then gets a job offer, what have you told him about what he can get away with on the job? Especially if he makes lots of money for the company? One function of the H.R. department is to foster a workplace where everyone feels welcome – that means one where people do not make “border-line racist” comments. You’re not doing that based on your letter.

You blew it if you hired the guy. I’m not saying so because of the applicant’s personal opinions. I’m saying so because the applicant felt free to express borderline racism during his interview. That should be a deal breaker in every hiring decision.

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

Should I Have Been Disciplined For Saying “Retarded”?

July 30, 2018 by Jim 5 Comments

Dear Evil Skippy:

I just received a written reprimand for using the word “retarded” at work. I admit that I have been warned twice in the past for using the phrase “That is so retarded”, but it is a lifetime habit and the phrase just pops out sometimes. I have nothing against people with disabilities and am not trying to make fun of anyone. It is just a word. Do you think it is fair for my politically correct supervisor to issue written discipline over something like this? We don’t have any disabled people working here so it is not like I am offending an actual person.

— Not Prejudiced Or Mean

Dear NPOM:

Are you perhaps suggesting that your supervisor should just warn you forever even though the past warnings had no effect? I think it would have been more fair if your supervisor slapped you for not taking care of the rude verbal habit on your own before she had to reprimand you.

Buy a thesaurus. Use the thesaurus. You can find many ways to express criticism without resorting to “retarded”. That is, if you can read. You don’t seem too bright to me.

— Evil Skippy

Based on your way of thinking, it would be fine to use the N-word in the workplace so long as no one belongs to the race in question. That makes no sense, and neither does your defense. In fact, your defense is backward, birdbrained, defective, dim, dopey, moronic, sappy, simple, stupid, subnormal, underachieving and weak. (Want to borrow my thesaurus?)

One of the beauties about language is that it evolves over time. Many words and phrases come and go in terms of popularity or disdain. “Retarded” has evolved into a word that kind people do not use as a derisive adjective. You should try evolving so you can break your habit.

Keep in mind that just because no one working with you has Down syndrome, people may have loved ones with that condition (or may just have more empathy than you). In other words, you may already have offended or hurt someone. Be a grown up, take some responsibility and break the habit for your own good.

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

No One But Me Cleans The Office Microwave

July 24, 2018 by Jim 1 Comment

Dear Evil Skippy:

I work at an office with 37 other people. We have a common break room with a small kitchen. Therein lies my problem. The microwave oven is more of a diabolical science experiment than a cooking appliance. It is gross due to cooked on who-knows-what and the lingering miasma of burnt popcorn. When it gets bad enough that I can’t stand to heat up my lunch in it, I clean it. I am the only one. What can I do so I won’t always be the one to break down and do the cleaning?

— Madison

Dear Madison:

Lower your standards and heat up your lunch no matter what lurks behind the glass door.
Bring lunches that don’t require heating (or cooling for that matter since the refrigerator is probably a Superfund site just like the microwave).
Eat out – but first review all of the restaurant’s health inspection records since you seem slightly squeamish.
Put up one of those, “Wipe the microwave – Your mother does not work here!” signs that everyone ignores.

If none of these work, visualize your new svelte body once you start missing a meal every day.

— Evil Skippy

P.S. I may have a crush on you. “The lingering miasma of burnt popcorn” was sheer poetry.

According to Wikipedia, refrigerators for home use were invented in 1913. Six months later, an employee at Speerman’s Farm Supply and Haberdashery in Albany, New York submitted the first documented complaint that co-workers were not doing their fair share of icebox cleaning. (None of that is true except the years. I needed filler. My point is that this complaint has been around practically forever).

Instead of nagging at your co-workers, do what I told a friend to do last year. Go right to the top and nag at the CEO. (Substitute “HR Manager” for CEO if you aren’t yet ready for the major leagues). Say something like this:

“The microwave in the lunchroom gets so filthy that it is not useable. It makes the whole break room reek. I have cleaned it in the past but that’s not my job and doing it takes me away from the work the company hired me to do. May I suggest that you require that the janitorial service include cleaning the kitchen appliances in their list of services? We employees don’t have to vacuum the office or clean the windows – why are we expected to clean the kitchen?”

My friend now gets to heat up her lunch in a clean microwave and she does not clean it herself. As for getting everyone to “wipe the microwave down” after each use – good luck with that.

Readers, how have you dealt with this situation?

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

My Co-Worker Said I Am Going Through A “Mid-Life Crisis”

July 16, 2018 by Jim 3 Comments

Dear Evil Skippy:

I bought a new car recently. My dream car – the Ford GT that I have lusted for since high school. One of my co-workers told me that I am probably going through a mid-life crisis. Is that the sort of thing I should report to my Director?

— Annoyed

Dear Annoyed:

I think you should keep your mid-life crisis to yourself and not tell your boss.

— Evil Skippy

Dear Evil Skippy:

I think “Annoyed” meant, “Should I tell my boss that my co-worker said that?”

— Jim

Dear Jim:

What are you? A mind reader?

Same answer. I think “Annoyed” should keep the fact that he is over-sensitive to age cracks to himself too.

— Evil Skippy

I am going to quibble a little. If this is the only comment by your co-worker about your age (and if you are not being hit with a barrage of age jokes from other co-workers), I agree with ES and recommend that you let it go. (I would not call you “over sensitive” since I am so polite.)

If, however, this comment is part of a pattern of conduct toward you AND if the comments are not welcome – go ahead and report what is happening. That’s what your harassment policy is for. You might also tell your co-workers that you’re tired of the jokes. If they are not a bunch of rude whipper-snappers, they should lay off.

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.