Evil Skippy At Work

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Can I Leave Low Performing Employees On Permanent Pandemic Layoff?

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Dear Evil Skippy:

We closed our offices due to COVID-19 and laid off almost all of our 80 employees.  It was not possible for their work to be done from home. The governor is allowing our business to reopen pretty soon with safety precautions (to allow for social distancing, etc.) I’d like to use this phase as an opportunity to make operations more efficient than they were before. There are several employees who were not pulling their weight so I am planning not to bring them back. There are no contracts and we don’t have union.  My boss (the business owner) checked with one of her lawyer friends who said that what we plan to do is not illegal. My boss told me I should write to you for a second opinion. She laughed so I think she was joking so I am looking forward to showing her that I called her bluff.

While I have your attention though – was the lawyer friend correct about this being legal? I would love not to have to supervise a few of those people when we get going in a few weeks.  What do you think? 

— A Quarantined Supervisor

Dear AQS:

I think you are an ass and I would love not to work for you.

Using the pandemic-related shut down to take care of performance issues that you were too lazy, inept or stupid to address before the pandemic is jerk behavior. While it may be essential that I slap you, I shall refrain in the interest of social distancing.

Bring everyone else back and lay yourself off. That’s what I’d do.

–– Evil Skippy

P.S. Tell your boss I’m not so thrilled with her either. First, she should have told you that you are an ass. Second, she should not try to get a free second opinion from me when I am an out-of-work professional. Tell her to send $5 via Venmo to @James-Webber-29 and I’ll overlook the slight.

Day 70-something of quarantine and someone is cranky. I do not recall ES calling anyone an ass or starting a pledge drive before. The times they are a changing. 

Supervisors ask me all the time if a certain practice or decision would be “legal”.  Before I answer, I tell them they need to ask a second question – “Is it smart?” Conduct can easily be “legal” while at the same time be incredibly foolhardy which is my nice way of saying stupid.  The mantra “Is this Legal?/Is this Smart?” is one of my favorites. I now realize it should be a trilogy. Employers should also ask, “Is this humane?” (I could argue that it can’t be smart if it is inhumane, but after reading the news lately I don’t want to leave being humane to chance.)

Using the pandemic layoff to terminate employees rather than using corrective action is not humane even if it might be legal in your jurisdiction. While some supervisors might call it smart because of the “efficiency,” it is not humane. Not by a long shot.  It is hurting people when they are already down. It is failing to communicate. It is denying workers a reasonable opportunity to meet your expectations. It is failing to do your job.

You are a supervisor. So supervise.

And send the five bucks. ES needs shoes.

Jim can speak at your conferences and seminars.   Contact Jim (and/or ES)  here, on Twitter, Instagram and through the “Evil Skippy at Work” group on Facebook. (Twitter: @EvilSkippySays and @JimWebberLOL; Instagram: EvilSkippyAtWork and JimWebberLOL)  

Is Tele-Harassment A Thing?

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Dear Evil Skippy:

My department is working from home. One of my employees called me to say she was offended because another employee told her she was looking great and he wished they were quarantining together. She said this happened when they were talking on the phone one-on-one about a project. I asked if this was a harassment complaint. She said no, she just did not want him bothering her. This seems so unreasonable to me. Is it even possible to harass someone from a distance?

— A Supervisor

Dear Supervisor:

Except for unwanted physical touching, of course is it possible to harass from a distance (or as I call it, “Tele-Harass”).  These days, it is unpatriotic and dangerous to humanity for one to harass any other way. You should commend your employee for taking social distancing seriously.

Love from away,

Evil Skippy

P.S. Be careful to enunciate carefully when you say “tele-harass” or the term itself sounds a little harass-y.

If you have not already done so, ask your employee to tell you the details about the call that is bothering her (what was said and how it was said). Also ask if anything in the past between the two is a concern to her. Something in your Supervisor Brain made you ask if she had a complaint – that is enough for you as a supervisor to look into the matter whether or not she “complains”.  The usual law of harassment applies (If a reasonable person would be offended, etc.) as well as your usual workplace rules (e.g., be respectful).

You’re a supervisor. So supervise.

Jim can speak at your conferences and seminars.   Contact Jim (and/or ES)  here, on Twitter, Instagram and through the “Evil Skippy at Work” group on Facebook. (Twitter: @EvilSkippySays and @JimWebberLOL; Instagram: EvilSkippyAtWork and JimWebberLOL)  

No Hugfest For Them

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Dear Evil Skippy:

I have been working at home for over 40 days. I’m enjoying it. To be honest, I like most of my co-workers more from a distance and would work remotely for the rest of however long the job lasts if I could. 

Several of my co-workers have been texting and Zooming about how work will be a “hugfest” when we officially get to reopen. My supervisor is leading this pack and has said in several posts that she plans to give everyone a reunion hug no matter what the harassment trainers have said in the past. 

I need an advance plan. How do I stop her from hugging me?

Signed,

Isn’t Going To Start Being A Hugger Now

Dear Isn’t:

Cough.

Love,

Evil Skippy

P.S. Normally, I would probably slap your hopefully well-meaning boss for shading harassment trainers. Not for real this time. My reach is well under six feet.

My how times have changed. The answer always used to be Tasers.

To address your actual question, try not to make a big deal or thing over this. Your supervisor is apparently a hugger and you can be proactive. Easy.

Send her a nice private message, such as this: “Isn’t everything crazy? I’m glad everyone seems to be doing well with this. It’s sure great how the team keeps coming together. Can I ask you for some workplace advice? I’m really not a hugger and I’m not going to be one when this is over. How would you stop a hug without making the person offering the hug feel weird?”

Of course, write in your own personal style. Use however much amount of small talk as you normally would. However you phrase it, do what I did and employ the classic Western Movie Cliche, “Head ’em Off at the Pass”. My messages assumes there is nothing at all wrong with being a non-hugger — because there isn’t — and forces my supervisor to adopt the same assumption. I make my point without making a complaint or criticizing my supervisor.

I agree with ES that we should assume (without more) that your supervisor means no harm. Perhaps they are enthusiastic about seeing the world again and — try not to faint — in their world hugs might be the default display of joy. Be proactive but be as empathetic toward the huggers as you hope the huggers will be toward you.

Huggers: Yes, it must be hard on you. There will most likely be many hugfests when this over. Please remember that even though everything has changed [insert comments about the pandemic and history and why-Tiger-King-Became-A-Thing here], the rules of hugging have not. Don’t hug anyone, not even when this is over, who does not want to hug you back. There are so many reasons why a person may not want to hug you and none of them are any of your business. You aren’t going to win an achievement award by hugging more people so just move on.

This might be a good time to remind you all of my “Hug And Release” rule about hugs at work. It’s the same as the eco-friendly fishing system but applies to people. You can hug the willing, but you have to do the deed and stop. This is not a time to grope or a time to find out if the other person is wearing a wire.

Hug.

And release.

Quickly.

And non-huggers — you have to remember to be empathetic. There are a lot of degrees to wanting to hug other people. Not all of the can help themselves. Unless the person does not back off, there is no need right now to make this a teaching moment. If they don’t back off, all bets are off.

Start coughing, for starters.

Yes! Jim (with or without Evil Skippy) can speak at your conferences and seminars.   Contact Jim and/or ES  here or on Twitter, Instagram or through the “Evil Skippy at Work” group on Facebook.  (Twitter: @EvilSkippySays and @JimWebberLOL; Instagram: EvilSkippyAtWork and JimWebberLOL)  

Be Evil Skippy for a Day

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Happy Monday! At least I think it is Monday. Is it still April?

Whatever. Today brings your chance to be Evil Skippy for a day. I selected a past question that looks back to when people worked in groups away from home.

How would you respond?

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences, training and seminars. Please follow us on Instagram (@EvilSkippyAtWork) and Twitter (@EvilSkippySays and @JimWebberLOL).  You can and should also join the Evil Skippy at Work group on Facebook.

My Boss Told Me Not To Wear Pajamas During Video Conferences

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Dear Evil Skippy:

My boss told me not to wear pajamas during video conferences or any other time while working from home. Why does it matter? I’m covered up. It is not a sexy nightie. What should I do when he says this during the next call?

— Lee Anne

[Read more…]

Be Evil Skippy For the Day

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What’s your answer to today’s question? Wrong answers are always welcome. To see ES’s original reply, check out https://www.evilskippyatwork.com/?p=7965

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars (live and virtually). Also — please follow us on Instagram (@EvilSkippyAtWork) and Twitter (@EvilSkippySays).

Evil Skippy’s Ten Favorite Things About Working At Home During A Pandemic

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  1. Except for during video chats, you don’t have to wear clothes. Even during video chats you don’t have to wear pants if you stay seated. (Don’t mention your clothing status because the usual harassment rules apply).
  2. “I smell weed on your clothes” is no longer a cause for reasonable suspicion testing.
  3. You can roll your eyes whenever you want.
  4. More seating options.
  5. Nicer soap and towels.
  6. No one will heat up tuna surprise in the microwave. Not at my house anyway.
  7. In most cases, it’s just as rewarding to text with co-workers as it is to see them. In other cases, it is way better not seeing them.
  8. The donuts will be the ones you like.
  9. An environmentally friendly commute.
  10. You are helping to flatten the curve. 

Would you like to have Jim and/or Evil Skippy speak at your conference and seminar whenever it is we get to have them again? For information (or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer), use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.  Please follow us on Twitter @JimWebberLOL.

Top Ten Work-at-Home FAQs

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Now that so many employers have magically discovered people CAN work from home and in fact are telling folks to do so, it seems like a good time to answer the ten most frequently asked questions directed to Evil Skippy about telecommuting. To save space, we’re just supplying the answers.

  1. No, you do not have to wear pants. (If you Skype into a conference, remember not to stand up).
  2. Yes, if you are pants-less while working at home it is best to keep that fact to yourself.
  3. Yes, you do have to refrain from drinking cocktails or smoking fun things while on the clock. (But who is going to know?)
  4. No, your neighbor is not your co-worker. If they flash you, it is not an EEOC matter.
  5. Yes, working near a toddler is difficult.
  6. No, working near a toddler does not entitle you to hazard pay.
  7. Yes, sending a “special” photo to a co-worker who is also working at home counts as workplace conduct and is subject to your employer’s usual “don’t send photos of your genitals” rules.
  8. No, you do not have to wear underwear. See Nos. 1, 2 and 7 above.
  9. No, thinking about your project while napping does not count as work time.
  10. Yes, it is weird how you start to miss some of your co-workers after a day or two. Some.