Dearest Readers (and the rest of you):
Sorry to have gone silent. I’ve been selfishly focusing on myself — new single hood, new age, wondering if there is a place in this land for someone who thinks every human deserves love, respect and honor. I promise to be back after the recharging. For now, greetings from Prague!
Jim
Dear Evil Skippy:
I work as a Human Resources Assistant. One of my duties is to review resumes to determine who should be interviewed. I am beginning to think applicants have all gone to the same resume seminar because they seem to have all developed an inability to communicate in plain English. Instead, the resumes use trite cliches such as applicants are “looking for increased responsibility to exercise their relationship and leadership skills” or have “a proven record for being a team player and thinking outside the box”. One recent applicant used the word “proactive” eleven times. They all seem to have a checklist to make sure they say things like “synergy”, “strategic thinker” or “value added”.
It is often just a bunch of gibberish. Would you simply reject the applicant or offer them some helpful hints?
— Pam
Dear Pam:
I would send them a letter in their own language, such as this:
Dear Applicant:
In our mission to be a proactive employer of choice, we apply strategic thinking and critical analysis to make every hiring decision a win-win situation.
You didn’t win.
Sincerely,
ABC Corp.
Bonus points if you can fit in “paradigm shift”, “low hanging fruit” or “push the envelope”
— Evil Skippy
Boiler-plate and cut-and-paste resumes are a quick way for a qualified applicant to become part of the rejection pile. However, unless the position you have open is that of “Resume Writer” or another job that requires strong writing skills, I would not immediately reject an applicant because of a cliché-ridden resume. The person might be the best sales person/widget-maker/hair stylist/whatever who you have ever encountered. Channel your inner Sherlock Holmes and really read the experience and education sections of the resume to see if the person is someone who might meet your needs. That’s your job, right?
Remember, your applicant might have a great looking resume simply because she or he hired someone competent to write it. Don’t assume it reflects the person’s actual writing skills.
Last but not least, unless an applicant asks you what you think of the resume – keep your editing thoughts to yourself.
Readers – what do you say?
Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.
Dear Evil Skippy:
What is the best way to tell an employee that her clothes are too sexy?
— A New Supervisor
Dear Newbie:
It depends on what you have in mind. If your goal is to get the company on the superhighway to litigation, tell her over drinks in a dark bar. If your goal is to tell her she has to wear something else to work, try Plain English. Simple words. Short sentences.
— Evil Skippy
Yep. Just tell her – not that her clothes are too “sexy”, though. Tell her that the outfit she is wearing (or wore yesterday) does not meet the office dress code requirements because it is too revealing, too glittery, too whatever. Be calm. Don’t be critical. Just communicate.
Readers – how would you handle this?
Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.
Dear Evil Skippy:
What can I do to motivate an employee to show up for work? I have a new guy who does great work when he is here. The problem is he is absent a lot and he’s only been on the payroll for two months. He missed the entire week last week and except for his first week here has never had a full week of perfect attendance. How would you turn this guy around?
— Supervisor
Dear “Supervisor”:
I would turn this guy around by re-assigning him to a new boss who understands the basics of supervision. You sure don’t.
— Evil Skippy
You may be a supervisor, but you have not been supervising. Acceptable attendance is a basic job requirement. So why has the new guy lasted this long with lousy attendance? You did not tell me his reasons for being gone, but I am deducing that he did not provide good ones or you would not now be expressing concerns about “turning him around”.
If there are no extenuating circumstances to explain the absences, I vote for termination*(see below). New employees know they are under a microscope and know they are supposed to be at work as scheduled. If unacceptable attendance is what you’re getting now, what happens after a year?
If there are extenuating circumstances of some kind, you still need to sit down with your employee – when and if he shows up for work — and set attendance expectations. You should have set the expectations on his first day of work. Talk to your own boss and/or H.R. manager for guidance.
Today.
Today because time is running out. (There may be policies that give you special alternatives that apply to new employees – such as more latitude when it comes to discipline and discharge).
* It should go without saying, but I do not want to take any chances with you. I do not actually have a vote when it comes to terminating your new guy, That was a figure of speech. You need to talk to your boss, HR person or lawyer to know what is appropriate in your given situation.
Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.
Dear Evil Skippy:
What is the most effective way to deal with a disruptive, rude and inefficient employee (without hiring lawyers)?
— Business Owner
Dear B.O.:
By hiring a hit man.
— Evil Skippy
If you are going for effective AND legal, perhaps you could simply learn the basics of employee management and progressive discipline. I suggest “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Human Resources Management”. In your case, I have a feeling the title would be accurate (and no, I did not get compensated for mentioning this book). I have never read it but I think anything would be an improvement for you.
Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.
Dear Evil Skippy:
We had a department retreat last week. During one of the mixers and team building exercises, we all listed five of our favorite movies and TV shows. (The goal was to see who could match up the most movies and shows to the right person). One employee listed Half Baked, Weeds, Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle, Up in Smoke and Pineapple Express. Should I be concerned that this employee might be using drugs at work?
— Supervisor
Dear Supervisor:
Heck no! You should be concerned that he or she left out Reefer Madness. What’s wrong with that person?
Peace Out,
Evil Skippy
P.S. Be glad the employee didn’t list one of my favorite shows, Breaking Bad. Wouldn’t you rather worry about weed than meth?
The time to be concerned about employee drug use is when the employee appears to be under the influence of something at work. I like to watch baseball, but I can’t throw or hit. A friend of mine loves Dexter but I don’t think he is a secret serial killer. (Probably not, anyway). A person’s movie and television preference is not a basis for suspecting inappropriate workplace conduct.
In addition, I am going to suggest that you take a deep breath and ask yourself if perhaps you aren’t missing an obvious explanation — your employee was trying to get a laugh. Lighten up.
Readers — what do you say?
Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.
Dear Evil Skippy:
I am hiring a few customer service reps. One guy seemed great on paper and was pleasant, but during his interview he made some comments that are border-line racist regarding Hispanics. They weren’t directly hateful but they would have earned him a talking-to if he worked here. Would it be OK to hire him if I talk to him about his comments, making sure he knows not to say these things on the job? He is otherwise a great candidate.
— H.R. Manager
Dear H.R. Manager:
Hire a person who feels free to make borderline racist comments during his interview so long as he keeps his racist tendencies a secret at work? What could possible go wrong with that?
In case that was too subtle, I am calling you a dolt. Happy Double Slap Monday!
One slap to your applicant for being a jerk during his interview by making “borderline racist” comments. A second (harder) slap to you for even considering that you might hire him.
— Evil Skippy
I agree with the slaps. If someone makes discipline-worthy comments at his interview and then gets a job offer, what have you told him about what he can get away with on the job? Especially if he makes lots of money for the company? One function of the H.R. department is to foster a workplace where everyone feels welcome – that means one where people do not make “border-line racist” comments. You’re not doing that based on your letter.
You blew it if you hired the guy. I’m not saying so because of the applicant’s personal opinions. I’m saying so because the applicant felt free to express borderline racism during his interview. That should be a deal breaker in every hiring decision.
Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.
Dear Evil Skippy:
I just received a written reprimand for using the word “retarded” at work. I admit that I have been warned twice in the past for using the phrase “That is so retarded”, but it is a lifetime habit and the phrase just pops out sometimes. I have nothing against people with disabilities and am not trying to make fun of anyone. It is just a word. Do you think it is fair for my politically correct supervisor to issue written discipline over something like this? We don’t have any disabled people working here so it is not like I am offending an actual person.
— Not Prejudiced Or Mean
Dear NPOM:
Are you perhaps suggesting that your supervisor should just warn you forever even though the past warnings had no effect? I think it would have been more fair if your supervisor slapped you for not taking care of the rude verbal habit on your own before she had to reprimand you.
Buy a thesaurus. Use the thesaurus. You can find many ways to express criticism without resorting to “retarded”. That is, if you can read. You don’t seem too bright to me.
— Evil Skippy
Based on your way of thinking, it would be fine to use the N-word in the workplace so long as no one belongs to the race in question. That makes no sense, and neither does your defense. In fact, your defense is backward, birdbrained, defective, dim, dopey, moronic, sappy, simple, stupid, subnormal, underachieving and weak. (Want to borrow my thesaurus?)
One of the beauties about language is that it evolves over time. Many words and phrases come and go in terms of popularity or disdain. “Retarded” has evolved into a word that kind people do not use as a derisive adjective. You should try evolving so you can break your habit.
Keep in mind that just because no one working with you has Down syndrome, people may have loved ones with that condition (or may just have more empathy than you). In other words, you may already have offended or hurt someone. Be a grown up, take some responsibility and break the habit for your own good.
Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.
Dear Evil Skippy:
I work at an office with 37 other people. We have a common break room with a small kitchen. Therein lies my problem. The microwave oven is more of a diabolical science experiment than a cooking appliance. It is gross due to cooked on who-knows-what and the lingering miasma of burnt popcorn. When it gets bad enough that I can’t stand to heat up my lunch in it, I clean it. I am the only one. What can I do so I won’t always be the one to break down and do the cleaning?
— Madison
Dear Madison:
If none of these work, visualize your new svelte body once you start missing a meal every day.
— Evil Skippy
P.S. I may have a crush on you. “The lingering miasma of burnt popcorn” was sheer poetry.
According to Wikipedia, refrigerators for home use were invented in 1913. Six months later, an employee at Speerman’s Farm Supply and Haberdashery in Albany, New York submitted the first documented complaint that co-workers were not doing their fair share of icebox cleaning. (None of that is true except the years. I needed filler. My point is that this complaint has been around practically forever).
Instead of nagging at your co-workers, do what I told a friend to do last year. Go right to the top and nag at the CEO. (Substitute “HR Manager” for CEO if you aren’t yet ready for the major leagues). Say something like this:
“The microwave in the lunchroom gets so filthy that it is not useable. It makes the whole break room reek. I have cleaned it in the past but that’s not my job and doing it takes me away from the work the company hired me to do. May I suggest that you require that the janitorial service include cleaning the kitchen appliances in their list of services? We employees don’t have to vacuum the office or clean the windows – why are we expected to clean the kitchen?”
My friend now gets to heat up her lunch in a clean microwave and she does not clean it herself. As for getting everyone to “wipe the microwave down” after each use – good luck with that.
Readers, how have you dealt with this situation?
Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.
Dear Evil Skippy:
I am part of a social committee at my office and we want your opinion about our options for summer events. We were planning to have a totally catered outdoor dinner with excellent food and dancing. A few employees said they would prefer a potluck picnic and getting a small cash bonus based on the savings from not catering. Management said we (the committee) could do the bonus if we wanted. Which option do you think most employees would prefer?
— Committee Chair
Dear Chair:
Most employees would prefer that you do no social events and instead send all of the money to me. I will send you my mailing address in a private message. I think there is a 50-50 chance that you will fall for this since you do not seem all that bright.
There’s no way to know what your fellow employees would prefer unless you ask them. So ask them. Duh. Don’t ask me. I’ve never even met them.
— Evil Skippy
Keep in mind that no matter what you do, someone is going to be annoyed. As Abraham Lincoln once said, “You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not a pizza.”
Pizza. . . Have a pizza party AND bonuses. Or maybe extra toppings instead of bonuses..
Readers — what do you say?
Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.
