Evil Skippy At Work

Helping make workplaces great, one snarky comment at a time.

Connect With Us

My Boss Won’t Date Me Because Of The Harassment Policy

by 1 Comment

Dear Evil Skippy:

I have worked at my job for three years.  Last year, the company hired a new manager and I report to him. We have become friendly and even socialized once. I like him and can tell he likes me – but he told me that we can’t date because of the harassment policy. I’ve studied the policy and the law. Something is illegal harassment only if it is unwelcome and I welcome his invitation. I told him this but he still is afraid upper management will be mad at him if we go out. I told him I would sign an affidavit that says I want to date him so he does not need to worry. Am I correct that this removes the possibility of harassment because now the dating is welcome? I can show your response to my manager.

  — Dianne

Dear Dianne:

Please show this to your boss.

Dear Manager of Diane:

Run. Hide. You have a stalker.

—  Evil Skippy

All your affidavit proves is that dating is not unwelcome to YOU. Leave your manager alone and start fantasizing about someone realistic. Like Ryan Gosling or Michael B. Jordan.

—  Evil Skippy

You have not stated the harassment rule correctly. Conduct is not harassment only if it is welcome to BOTH parties. You clearly welcome some dating but if you stopped swooning and started thinking you’d see the tell tale signs that your manager does not really want to date you. He’s also made it clear to you that dating would be, as the legal experts say, a really stupid idea.

Focus on work when you are at work. You will be more happy and your boss won’t need to get a restraining order.

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

My Co-Worker Gets High At Lunch

by 2 Comments

Dear Evil Skippy:

I think one of my co-workers is getting high on marijuana at lunch. What should I do?

— Stan

Dear Stan:

Enjoy your own lunch and maybe grab a Snickers bar for your co-worker’s munchies.  Or gummi bears – I hear those are good too.

If you were asking me for a License to Snitch, move on. I’m Evil Skippy and not Narc Skippy.

                  — Evil Skippy

Well . . .

I agree with ES that oftentimes, the best policy is “Mind Your Own Business”. It’s just not the best policy in this situation.

If your co-worker is a professional driver (school bus, delivery, taxi . . .) or operates heavy machinery, report your suspicions to your supervisor or Human Resources department. It is a safety issue. Be prepared to specify what you observed and not just your conclusion that some mid-day partying was going down. For example, your co-worker had very red eyes, was singing the Best of Jerry Garcia and eating M & M’s by the hand full.

If your co-worker is not putting anyone at physical risk and appears to be maintaining a professional demeanor, the only time I personally would squeal would be if the co-worker’s condition is affecting my work in some way. Otherwise, it simply feels like tattling to me. Another rule of thumb is this: If you would turn in your co-worker for being under the influence of alcohol at work, go ahead and report him or her for marijuana.

Last but not least, check your workplace code of conduct and other policies to determine if your employer requires you to report other employees for suspected drug use. If there is such a policy, then you have to decide if you will risk being subjected to discipline for not reporting.

Faithful readers and the rest of you – what would you do?

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

The Employee Went Into Labor And Her Supervisor Told Her To Keep Working

by 4 Comments

Dear Evil Skippy:

I am a manager. Several supervisors report directly to me. I am fortunate that most of these supervisors have lots of common sense. You would rarely feel the urge to slap any of them. Then there is Joe. That’s his real name. I found out today that he discouraged one of our employees from leaving the office two hours early last week. The employee thought she was going into labor. Since she was “only” about 7 months plus pregnant, Joe gave her a hard time and told her she would receive a formal reprimand if she left early since she had not made arrangements in advance. He told me later that he did not believe she was really in labor because none of his wives (that is the exact phrase he used – he’s been married four times) ever had a baby before her due date.

Our employee had her baby at 6:30 p.m. on the day Joe told her she would be disciplined if she left early. She finished her shift and left the office at 5:00.

I sent flowers to our employee and told her that I would deal with Joe. What do you think I should do?

— Manager

Dear Manager:

What’s the problem? It sounds like she made it to the hospital with time to spare.

Just kidding!! I love to antagonize pregnant ladies. They get so fired up. However, I’d never do anything to upset one when I am within arm’s reach and I’d never get between one who claims to be in labor and the nearest exit. Personally, I’d take Joe to the delivery room at the hospital nearest to you and tie him up. Then I would give big sticks to all the ladies in labor and tell them what Joe did to your employee. The only other thing to do is to let Nature take its course.

Once (if) Joe recovers, corrective action him until he knows how to act like a decent human being.

                          — Evil Skippy

I agree with ES about the corrective action but not the assault or teasing pregnant women. In addition, I think you should get your head examined if you think flowers are enough to make this all right with the new mom. Once her anesthesia wears off and she starts to reflect on that horrible workday rather than the miracle of motherhood, she is going to realize exactly how despicable Joe’s behavior was.  Deal with Joe and tell the new mom that you dealt with him. Apologize whether or not an employment lawyer says not to because it would be an “admission”.  Make sure your human resources department is making the maternity leave experience as smooth as possible. Keep your fingers crossed that Joe has not done anything else.

Readers – what would you do?

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

My Co-Worker Pumps Her Breasts In The Break Room

by 1 Comment

Dear Evil Skippy:

One of my co-workers had a baby a few months ago and returned to work last week. Now she pumps breast milk a couple of times a day, even in the break room. What can a person do to avoid seeing that spectacle?

— Grossed Out

Dear Grossed Out:

You could do your job and stop loitering in the break room.

                  — Evil Skippy

I agree. And before you start to whine about where the new mom keeps the breast milk– please read “My Co-Worker Stores Breast Milk In Our Office Refrigerator”. 

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

Warm Weather, Skimpy Office Attire and A Jerk

by 4 Comments

Dear Evil Skippy:

Now that Spring is here, the females in my office are trotting out their skimpy clothes. This is fine when the women take care of themselves, but we have several ladies here who have not burned a calorie in years and should think twice before embracing the form-fitting look if you get me drift. How can a workplace make sure that people dress appropriately for their body types?

— Dave

Dear Dave:

They make sure people dress appropriately by having dress codes. To prevent employees from having to work around jerks like you, they have screening interviews.

                          — Evil Skippy

If someone in your office is dressed inappropriately as defined by your employer’s dress code, management should address the issue with that person. If someone is dressed inappropriately as that term is defined by you, you should channel your inner adult and do your job instead of whining about tight pants or whatever it was that offended your tender eyes. Once upon a time, men in professional offices wore ties. Now they don’t. Once upon a time, there was no such thing as “workplace casual”. Now there is. Dress codes and fashion change. Take a breath and focus on your work instead of body-shaming and what Susan in the next cubicle is wearing.

One more thing — do you really refer to the women as “females”? Scientifically, you are correct but you must realize that most people do not talk that way about co-workers.

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

Is Slamming Down The Phone “Workplace Violence”?

by 2 Comments

Dear Evil Skippy:

My office recently announced a zero tolerance policy about workplace violence.  Today, I was on the receiving end of a very irritating customer call. After the customer hung up, I slammed my telephone receiver back into its cradle with a little too much force.  Nothing broke, but it was loud.  I’ve never done something like that at work before today.  My supervisor counseled me that my behavior violated the workplace violence policy and said if anything like that happens again, I will be disciplined. Don’t you think that’s crazy? What would you have done?

—  Dumbfounded

Dear Dumbfounded:

I would have slapped her and told her to watch her back.

                                            —  Evil Skippy

Your boss may have gone overboard by characterizing one slammed phone as “violence”, but she was right to counsel you if your behavior disturbed others in the work place.  When you get mad at work (or elsewhere), remember Thomas Jefferson’s advice:  “When you are angry, count to ten.  If you’re really angry, count to one hundred”.

Your boss is not as crazy as the high level manager with whom I used to work.  The organization had recently adopted policies and procedures to prevent workplace violence.  When I was making a presentation and referred to “Bullet Point Number One”, the manager interrupted me to say that we could no longer use bullet points because “bullet” is a violent word.  (Fortunately, she could not read my mind so she did not know all the violent thoughts her comment generated in the ES half of my brain).  She told me we had to call them “emphasis points”.

I smiled nicely and finished my talk. The next week, at another presentation, the manager complimented me for remembering to refer to the punctuation as “emphasis points”.  What she had not realized was that I had substituted the “emphasis” points’ tiny circles with little bombs complete with lit fuses.

It was immature, but it made me happy.

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

Evil Skippy’s Top Ten Excuses for Being Late or Absent

by Leave a Comment

(As Reported to him by clients and colleagues over the years*)

  1. My dog ate the alarm clock during the night.
  2. I had a premonition that there is going to be a major earthquake today and our building is not safe.
  3. My car was commandeered by a SWAT team.
  4. My doctor told me not to wear any clothes until my rash is gone.
  5. I read the numbers wrong and thought I’d won the lottery, but I came in as soon as I realized my mistake.
  6. [No excuse was called in, but the employee was featured on “America’s Most Wanted” the night before.]
  7. My GPS malfunctioned as I was driving to the office.
  8. The idea of working today makes my stomach turn.
  9. My grandmother passed away.  (Note: this was the employee’s ninth “grand-parent” who died over three years.)
  10. I had to rescue a cat from a tree in the rain and then change into dry clothes.

* Except for the excuse that I actually used one time. Can you guess which one?

Readers — I know you must have some good ones.  Let’s hear them.

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

Can I Fire Someone For Poor Performance When The Real Reason Is Harassment?

by Leave a Comment

Dear Evil Skippy:

I am a supervisor and I am about to terminate one of my employees who touched another co-worker in an inappropriate manner.  (We investigated and concluded that it happened.  There is also a police investigation in progress). Although we are terminating for harassment, I want the official reason to be poor performance.  I think the employee is less likely to sue if we fire him for that reason rather than harassment.  What do you think?

— Supervisor

Dear Supervisor:

I think slapping is not enough for you.  I also think that it must have been quite an “inappropriate” touch if the police became involved.

Even though I am Evil Skippy and not Nice Skippy, I will not now or ever issue a License to Lie because there is a word for lying about official workplace decisions. That word is “stupid”.

                          — Evil Skippy

You are in the workplace and not a Las Vegas casino (if you are working at a casino, my analysis still works).  There is no reason for you to play the odds. In fact, it would be truly stupid to do so because if your gamble is wrong and the employee challenges the “poor performance” rationale in court, you can’t turn around and say the real reason was something else. There is a word for supervisors who do that. That word is “demoted”.

Be honest when you impose progressive discipline. Period.

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

Should Co-Workers Go Camping Together?

by 5 Comments

Dear Evil Skippy:

I am the head of the planning committee for our company’s annual summer employee party. In past years, the company has done overnight stays at local resorts (as opposed to one big party) so I thought this year we could do an overnight camping trip at a local state park. My committee shot it down but said they would reconsider if you (and only you) endorsed it.  Please do me a huge favor and tell me it is an idea worth considering.

—  Sue (Not My Real Name)

Dear Whoever You Are:

Please do me a huge favor and send cash next time you want something from me.

In the meantime, go see a therapist because you’re messed up. Camping is designed to break up couples, not work groups.  If you want to break up the work group, organize a team-building retreat instead and maybe do some trust exercises.

                   —  Evil Skippy

I have to agree 100% with ES on this one. Send cash if you want something.

Also, do you really want to see your boss stagger out of his or her tent first thing in the morning looking for coffee? Do you really want to hear that one co-worker snore so loud that bears come to check out their new leader? Do you really want to go to “bed” at night knowing that when you wake up, all your co-workers will STILL BE THERE. (Well, maybe they won’t be if the bear thing works out).

Readers – I am so curious. Would you want to go camping with co-workers?

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

How Do I Stop My Co-Worker From Whistling and Humming?

by 1 Comment

Dear Evil Skippy:

I have a co-worker who always whistles and hums in the bathroom. It is really annoying and ruins the one bit of quiet a fellow can get during the work day. How can I get him to stop?

— Frustrated

Dear Frustrated:

Teach him the song’s words.  Either that, or record the soundtrack without his knowledge and then play it over the office’s intercom system (with attribution to the vocal artist of course).

                                You’re welcome,

                                  —  Evil Skippy

P.S. Find a better quiet place. Ewww.

Hummers and whistlers are a frequent topic of workplace ire.  My grandfather once told me about a fellow soldier who had a similar nerve-wracking habit, except he annoyed a whole barracks full of boot campers. Apparently, the annoyed (and sleep-deprived) military men all nicely explained how much they would appreciate it if he curtailed the sound effects and he willingly complied out of the goodness of his heart. My grandfather wouldn’t have fibbed, right? (My grandmother said the real version was they tied him up and left him bound and gagged on the bathroom floor all night until the drill sergeant found him).

Readers – how have you had luck putting a stop to annoying musical habits?

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.