Dear Evil Skippy:
Co-workers keep forwarding your posts to me. Why do you always attack religion just because you personally have something against it? You always take the liberal slant. You won’t let people put up a poster against Darwin and his bad science, but I bet you’d be handing out thumb tacks so people could promote atheism or same-sex marriage or Obamacare. Maybe I’d read your stuff if you were more balanced. Someone ought to slap you.
– Part of the Silent Majority
Dear P.S.M.:
For a member of the “silent” majority, you sure do talk a lot.
I don’t attack religion. I attack nut jobs who can’t shut up about their personal opinions at work – whether those opinions are pro-religion, anti-religion, pro-Obama or anti-Obama. To be very clear, I am referring to SOME representatives of BOTH sides of these or other opinions when I say “nut jobs”. I am not attacking either side of these issues. Just the nut jobs who talk about them.
You may or may not be a nut job. I don’t know you and your letter does not give me enough information to decide either way. I can say, however, that you are a dolt. I don’t mean that as a personal insult or comment. It is merely a description based on your behavior. It’s because you have no idea about my religious beliefs, yet you make assumptions. I might be Christian. Or not. I might be Buddhist. Or not. Or Muslim. Or not. Or agnostic or atheist or maybe I worship at the stainless steel glory that is Festivus. You have no idea, so shush about that.
You also manage to throw in references to President Obama’s health care plan when that has never been a topic here. (Plus, it’s the “Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act”, not “Obamacare”. Leave the lingo to cable news so I can use my mute button.) You do not know my political opinions, yet you assume that I would support same-sex marriage or a certain health care plan. Those have never been topics in my posts. Now that you bring it up, I am in favor of same-sex marriage for anyone who wants one. I also think better health care for everyone is a great idea. Thanks for asking me. If you disagree with me, disagree. There’s no need to have a fit or make personal assumptions.
I bet you’re a joy to work with and that is why your co-workers are sending my articles to you. Whoops. I made an assumption. Shame on me. Then again, maybe they forwarded the posts because they think you have a sense of humor and will enjoy them. That’s my favorite option because it makes me look good.
Here is what I want to say to your co-workers. Stop forwarding these articles to someone who has told you that he does not want them. You are being a bad co-worker. Stop it. But do keep reading on your own and telling people who might enjoy me. I need the popular approval.
Back to you, P.S.M. The bottom line is that you don’t have to read my articles. They are not part of your workplace. Tell your co-workers that you do not want to receive links to the articles. You have a right not to be subjected to me unless your employer hires me to conduct training. If that happens, call in sick or something. I’d hate to make your blood pressure go up by hearing me talk about how to make the workplace better for everyone.
O.K., that’s a lie. I’d love to make your blood pressure go up.
– Evil Skippy
Thank goodness your letter was addressed to Evil Skippy and not to me. I might have taken it personally.
If your co-workers continue to forward these posts to you after you’ve told them to stop, report them to your supervisor or Human Resources if this is that important to you. If it were me, I’d just hit the delete button like I do for junk mail.
P. S. Do not call in sick when there is training. That’s wrong.
Right. Do what everyone else does, Show up and play Words With Friends. We know. We see you.
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Dear Evil Skippy:
My employer insists that all of us change our passwords for the computer network every three months. We are not allowed to leave a password list at our desks, which means we have to learn new ones every few months. The passwords have to have both symbols and letters and can’t use any part of our name. It’s crazy. When I get back from a vacation or business trip or just a weekend after the passwords are changed, I can’t remember the new one. It makes me want to scream. Now I have been given a double reprimand due to the password policy. I was written up for having an “inappropriate password” (%ihatemyjob^) and for giving my password to a co-worker without prior permission from my supervisor or IT. It was the only way to get a project done and now I am being punished. How can I put a stop to this craziness? If you can’t think of a way for me to get the password policy changed, how about coming up with some good passwords that I won’t forget?
– In Password Pain
Dear I.P.P.:
You sure have a way with words (excluding passwords). You were not reprimanded “due” to the policy. You were reprimanded because you violated the policy. Now take a deep breath and channel your inner adult before you follow my simple instructions.
First, accept the fact that workplaces have rules and you have to follow them if you want to work there. It’s called being an adult. You should try it.
Second, stop making excuses. You knew you were not supposed to give out your password but you did anyway. You weren’t terminated; you were just reprimanded. Start following the rules and you won’t have any more problems like that.
As for some memorable passwords, here are the first ones to jump into my evil mind:
- read^evil^skippy^every*day
- send$evil$skippy#money
- stop*whining&start-working
- what^would*evil^skippy#do?
That should get you through to 2013.
You’re welcome,
– Evil Skippy
When you are coming up with new passwords, be sure not to select any of the following which were identified by the folks at Forbes as the worst (i.e. easiest to hack) passwords of 2011:
- password
- 123456
- 3.12345678
- qwerty
- abc123
- monkey
- 1234567
- letmein
- trustno1
- dragon
- baseball
- 111111
- iloveyou
- master
- sunshine
- ashley
- bailey
- passwOrd
- shadow
- 123123
- 654321
- superman
- qazwsx
- michael
- football
The list shocked me. No vampires. No references to a royal wedding or Charlie Sheen. Nothing is “occupied.” What is the world coming to? And how did “michael” make the list instead of “skippy”???
I sympathize with you about the memory malfunctions. The same thing used to happen to me with passwords back in my law firm days. However, I also sympathize with your employer. Computer security is important. I worked on a case where one employee hacked into another’s e-mail to send messages to other people that appeared to be coming from the co-worker. (The law enforcement agencies that became involved were not amused). Bad passwords can contribute to the undesired release of confidential information (both company secrets and employees’ private information – like social security numbers and weight loss history). Worst case scenario – co-workers might write fake status updates on your Facebook page.
Help avoid these horrors by figuring out a way to stay in compliance with the policy without driving yourself crazy. Try the adult method. Meet with your boss and tell him or her about your difficulty with the ever-changing codes. Acknowledge that you are not allowed to keep the passwords written down at work, but ask if you can keep the password in your wallet or purse. Promise not to leave it on your desk or in a drawer.
With a little effort on your part, you will be able to figure out passwords that you won’t forget. You just have to stop convincing yourself in advance that you can’t do it. The one and only exception is if you have an actual physical or mental condition that prevents you from remembering the passwords. By “actual”, I mean diagnosed by a medical professional. If you are physically or mentally unable to remember passwords, then your employer should work with you to come up with a reasonable accommodation.
I have a hunch that some ES fans will know great schemes for remembering passwords at work. Do share.
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Dear Evil Skippy,
Someone in another workgroup has a poster in his cubicle that says “Don’t let Darwin make a monkey out of you!” I believe in God and I believe in evolution too – I don’t find them mutually exclusive. The sign really bothers me every time I walk past his cube. I find it disrespectful and condescending.
I’m not sure if you’ll slap me and tell me to get over it or that I should report it. If I do have a legitimate complaint, should I go to my manager, his manager or HR?
– Evolved Human
Dear Evolved Human:
I’m not even tempted to slap you. You are conducting a reality check about your negative reaction to the poster rather than automatically turning this into the BIGGEST WORKPLACE PROBLEM SINCE STRETCH PANTS. Congratulations. Your inner adult is up and running.
Before I can even begin to consider whether or not you have a legitimate complaint, I want to know if you can last at least one entire work day without feeling disrespected by something other than the poster. If so, good for you. If not – it sounds like therapy time. Or maybe you need more fiber in your diet.
If you are not the type of person who finds offense behind every cubicle wall and corner, you won’t make a monkey out of yourself by talking to your supervisor. You could talk to him or her, or then again you could follow the evil approach and replace the poster with a Periodic Table of Elements or picture of Justin Bieber — something other than possible propaganda.
– Evil Skippy
Do NOT actually implement the evil approach. That would be what is known as a Truly Terrible Idea
There are many topics that result in strong and opposite opinions among co-workers. Evolution is just one. Other examples are religion, politics and Portlandia. The key to a healthy and happy workplace is to respect the diversity of opinions in the workplace. This means, as I’ve said before and will say again, that just because you think something does not mean you need to say it at work. It’s worse if instead of saying it, you post it for all to see all the time.
In your situation, if I were going to report my concerns to anyone, it would be to my direct supervisor. Going to HR seems like over-escalation at this point and talking to the co-worker’s supervisor leaves your supervisor out of the loop. However, whether or not I would talk to my supervisor about this depends on the overall context. Does your co-worker thrust his private opinions on you in other ways? How prominent (i.e. easy to ignore) is the poster? Does the workplace generally allow employees to post personal materials on their cubicle walls? If you are satisfied that you are being fair and reasonable, go ahead and talk to your supervisor about your concerns. Go to HR only if you do not think your supervisor took your concern seriously. (Please note that taking your concern seriously does not mean your supervisor has to agree with you.)
If I were a supervisor, as soon as I saw the poster I probably would have asked the employee to take it down. It’s clearly not related to work. Whether it was intended just to be a joke or whether it was a genuine expression about scientific (and possibly religious) opinion, it’s a distraction at best and that’s not good. (And as I said a few weeks ago, if the poster were clearly religious as opposed to religious by strong implication, it should not be displayed at most workplaces. That’s my humble opinion. )
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Dear Evil Skippy:
I run a small business that includes a retail component where we sell chocolates, ice cream and desserts. I have from ten to fifteen employees depending on the season. When I hire new employees, is it illegal for me to decline to hire overweight people? I think if customers see a fat person waiting on them, it will remind them not to indulge and we will lose sales.
– Bottom Line Oriented
Dear Bottom Line Oriented:
You’re asking me for a legal opinion. We don’t give legal opinions on this site. Never have. Never will. Pay a lawyer too much money for a consultation if you want a legal opinion.
In my non-legal opinion, I bet you used to be chubby and now you’re feeling all superior. Just a guess.
I also think you’re making assumptions about your customers. Personally, whether or not the server is a perfect physical specimen, if chocolate is on the menu – I am going for it. Make a great dessert and hand me a spoon. I don’t care what the server looks like as long as he or she is clean. Sort of clean. Clean enough. (Hey! It’s dessert!)
– Evil Skippy
Whether or not it’s “legal”, what you are talking about is discrimination. Focus on the best person to do the job and not on whether or not the person fits your idea of an acceptable weight.
Loyal Readers — what do you think? Is ES right, or does a server or sales clerk’s weight affect what you will buy?
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Dear Evil Skippy:
My boss will not let me bring my dog to work with me. She is tiny – she fits in my purse. I have a little kennel that she likes to stay in so she can be near me. It fits under my desk. Most people would not even know I had her with me. My boss still would not allow it. I think if you say there is no big deal about me bringing her to work, then my boss would change his mind. Will you help me, please!
– Desperate
Dear Desperate:
You are not desperate. You are deluded. Deluded if you think I would be the one to back you up on this.
I agree with your boss. If you get to bring your little pet to the office, then everyone else gets to bring their little pet. Next, it will be grandchildren. Let’s stop the madness before it starts.
There are lots of reasons why your co-workers (or boss) might notice your pet’s presence. Allergies, for instance. Or yips of distress from your dog after she is stuck under your desk for hours just because you think she can’t last without you by her side. Get over yourself and don’t make her suffer just because you are not independently wealthy and have to work for a living.
Here’s an evil plan. Go ahead and bring your dog to work. If, as you insist, “no one will notice”, you have no problem. If anyone does notice that you have a dog with you, then you are wrong and your boss is right. After the termination, you can spend all the time you want with Poochie.
– Evil Skippy
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Royal Dear Evil Skippy:
I have been dating a co-worker for several weeks. He works for a different department and neither of us is a supervisor, so there is not a conflict of interest under our company policy. The reason I am writing is because I want your advice about how we should tell everyone that we are a couple. You have people writing to you who are offended about being left out or being insulted and I want to make sure that I do not make anyone feel bad about how we break this news. I don’t want to insult anyone.
– Newly Attached
Dear Attention Queen:
Yes, I changed your name. Deal with it.
You are making your situation sound the same as when the heir to the throne becomes betrothed. Here’s a news flash – you are not that important or famous. You are just dating. You are not engaged. You did not win the Pulitzer. You’re not even cast on a reality T.V. show. You are office news. That’s about as significant as Meryl Streep getting an Oscar nomination. It’s interesting but it’s not that unusual.
If people have not already figured it out, tell the biggest blabber-mouth that you’re dating the guy. Problem solved.
– Evil Skippy
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Dear Evil Skippy:
This week, my employer closed our office for two days due to snow. The second was on a day when I am approved for telecommuting. My boss said I should do my regular work on the telecommuting day even thought the office was not open. I told him that it is not fair that my co-workers got to take a day off without it counting as an absence while I had to work. Other than slapping him, what would you do?
– Feels Cheated
Dear Feels Cheated:
I’d tell my inner child to stop making snow angels and make my outer adult start working. You’re being a baby. Cinch up your robe, make some hot chocolate and do your job.
– Evil Skippy
The whole point of closing a workplace or school due to weather is safety, including the safety of people who would otherwise have to commute in dangerous conditions. It’s not a holiday or some sort of perk.
If it makes you feel better, some of your co-workers probably think it is unfair that you get to telecommute when they have to go into the office. Snow days are just once in a while, but you get to telecommute every week. You win.
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Dear Evil Skippy:
I just had my first formal evaluation at the job I started a year ago. The company does several preliminary reviews during the first year, but this one was supposed to be the “bigggie”. Around the time my evaluation was due, we got swamped with work so I understood why my supervisor was late giving it to me. Toward the end of that month-long rush period, we had one day when we worked nearly twelve hours. We were all tired and hungry at the end of the day. All I wanted to do was grab something to eat, go home and lay on the couch. As I was walking out the door, my supervisor called me over and said, “We might as well do your evaluation now.” I was surprised and went along with it. If I’d had a clear head, I would have asked to wait. It was a cursory talk and I felt slighted. The paperwork itself gave me ratings, but there was not much factual detail. What should I do now?
– Wants Better Feedback
Dear WBF:
You should ask for part of your supervisor’s paycheck since you are doing part of his job. I hope for your sake that he handles the rest of his supervisory tasks well because he certainly stinks at evaluations. I send a slap in his general direction.
Go back to your supervisor and tell him that you were so worn out from work that you can’t remember much about what was said during your evaluation. Then tell him how much you would hate to miss out on his words of wisdom because he is so stellar at his job. You can only hope to achieve the heights he has reached and you yearn to hear his feedback about your work. Normally, I would not recommend such over-the-top sarcasm. However, since your boss is too dense to know that the timing of his evaluation meeting with you was unacceptable, then he’s too dense to detect fake flattery. He’ll probably give you a promotion.
If he does, do a better job at evaluating your employees.
– Evil Skippy
Forget the fake flattery, but do ask your supervisor for another chance to talk about your evaluation. Instead of laying a guilt trip on him – even though he deserves one – just say that you have some follow-up questions now that you have had a chance to go over the written form. You don’t need to mention his terrible timing earlier. (Your follow up questions are simple: “When you say that I am outstanding in Category A, can you give me some examples?) You should not have to choreograph the meeting like this, but it’s the only way you are going to get meaningful feedback.
And all you supervisors out there – make evaluations a priority. It’s not like they are a surprise. You know every year when they are coming up. Plan in advance. Take them seriously. This includes treating the evaluation session itself like an important business meeting. That’s because they ARE important business meetings.
If it makes you feel better, WBF, you are not alone. Supervisors keep finding new ways to sabotage evaluation meetings. Here’s Evil Skippy’s Top Ten Ways to Sabotage an Evaluation. These happened where I worked, at my clients’ workplaces or I heard about them from credible sources.
- Stopping the employee to conduct the meeting just as the employee is leaving the office after several hours of extra work without a meal break. (Congratulations for making the list – you’re credible!).
- Conducting the meeting in the parking lot during a fire drill.
- Asking the employee to meet him at the supervisor’s doctor’s office so he would not have to “totally waste his time” while waiting for his medical appointment.
- Suggesting that the meeting be held at a cocktail lounge after hours because alcohol would help everyone relax.
- Showing up for the evaluation while intoxicated. (Believe it or not, this was not the same supervisor as in Number 4).
- Dismissing the employee’s repeated expressions of complete astonishment about her rankings only to discover five minutes into the meeting that he was giving her someone else’s evaluation.
- Going to the hospital where the employee was recovering from an emergency appendectomy to give the evaluation so the supervisor would not break her perfect record of completing the evaluation process on time (and not leaving the hospital room until a nurse threatened to call security).
- Beginning the evaluation with this question: “Just when were you planning to tell me that you’re pregnant again?” (The employee was not pregnant.)
- Pretending to retrieve the evaluation from a trash can.
- Asking to start the meeting while the high-rise office building was still swaying after a magnitude 6.8 earthquake and while some employees were still huddled under their desks.
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Dear Evil Skippy:
I started my first “real” job a few months ago after graduating from college. One of my colleagues is a great, nice co-worker except for one thing. At breaks or when we are just chatting, she frequently makes comments that are blatantly racist. Her usual targets are people from India and Mexico. I’m relieved that no one from India or Mexico works here (we’re a small operation) – relieved because this way no one from those places can hear what she says, not because I don’t want to work with people from those places. Even so, her comments bug me. I tried sending “signals” that I did not want to hear the comments but they have not worked. How do I make her stop without having a confrontation or seeming too PC? Going to the boss seems like overkill. What would you do in my place?
– New Professional
Dear New:
In your place, I’d slap her. Slap her slap her slap her. I suspect that would be too confrontational for your comfort zone.
The other thing that I would do in your place is to stop equating “PC” with “bad.” Sure, going too far down the PC Highway can make a person look like a twit. That does not mean that being “politically correct” to some degree is a bad thing. It’s like honesty. To a certain degree, it’s a great thing but a person who is too honest will be annoying (“As a matter of fact, those pants do make your butt look ginormous.”). You will not be “too PC” if you do something about your situation. Evil Skippy says so, so it must be true.
You already know what I am going to say. Stop sending signals. The next time she starts to make one of her objectionable comments, stop her. (No matter what your grandmother told you – it is all right to interrupt this time.) Be polite and be direct. Do not under any circumstances apologize or minimize the validity of your opinion. You are in the right and she is in the wrong. I say so. See above.
Be concise. You do not need to explain. State your point, and then change the subject. That is not being confrontational. You are doing your co-worker a huge favor. You are helping her to stop demonstrating what a twit she is and that has to be good for her professional growth. Give yourself a pat on the back.
– Evil Skippy
Except for the slapping, I agree with ES. Just state the facts, something like this:
“Wait. I don’t want to hear stereotypes and negative comments like that about people from India/Mexico/Wherever. You were talking about the new accounting forms. I agree, they sure are an improvement.”
As long as you do not act judgmental, there should not be too much awkwardness. I was going to add that doing nothing is the only wrong thing you could do right now. Then I remembered slapping. That would be wrong, too.
Loyal Readers – Have you ever had to address racist or similar comments being made by a colleague or friend? What did you do and how did it work?
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Dear Evil Skippy:
Recently, a rumor was going around our office that one of my co-workers had been arrested for assault. It made me nervous, so I asked my supervisor if the rumors were true. She said she did not want to talk about it. I dropped the subject, but don’t you think a competent manager should share this type of information?
– Concerned About Safety
Dear Concerned:
A competent manager would have told everyone to stop gossiping and get back to work. Besides, unless you work for a law enforcement agency, why would your supervisor know more about who’s been arrested than the rest of you would?
I get it. If the person who works next to me was just arrested for being a famous serial killer, I would be – what’s that phrase? – freaked out. Still, it’s not your employer’s role to keep you informed of the criminal record of the work force.
You were correct to drop the subject. Don’t pick it up.
– Evil Skippy
It is a fact that employers have a general duty to maintain a safe workplace. If you know facts that make you think a co-worker might be dangerous, you should report the information to your management. They may or may not agree with your assessment, but they won’t even have a chance to review the situation unless you tell them what you know. Just to be clear, by “facts”, I mean things you have seen or heard, or things you have been told about that you think are credible.
Like Evil Skippy, I get it. This is juicy stuff. It reminds me of several years ago when one of my clients called in a panic because one of his employees had been featured that night on “America’s Most Wanted” as one of the missing crooks. He wondered if he had a duty to call the police (no, he didn’t), and if there was any duty to inform the workplace at large. I thought his second question was hysterical. He actually thought anyone needed to be “informed”? This kind of news always spreads faster than [insert your grandmother’s favorite folksy analogy about speed here – something about butter and a hot skillet works well if your grandmother was too urban for folksy sayings]. Everyone was talking about the show the next morning and the fugitive employee was never seen at work again.
Your managers have a duty to tell you information that you need to know in order to remain safe at work. The mere fact that someone was arrested is highly interesting, but its connection to your workplace safety is tenuous at best. Your supervisor was correct to refrain from discussing the matter. Everyone else should channel their inner adults and do the same.
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