Evil Skippy At Work

Helping make workplaces great, one snarky comment at a time.

Connect With Us

Do Employees Want A Summer Social Or A Cash Bonus?

by 4 Comments

Dear Evil Skippy:

I am part of a social committee at my office and we want your opinion about our options for summer events.  We were planning to have a totally catered outdoor dinner with excellent food and dancing.  A few employees said they would prefer a potluck picnic and getting a small cash bonus based on the savings from not catering.  Management said we (the committee) could do the bonus if we wanted.  Which option do you think most employees would prefer?

—  Committee Chair

Dear Chair:

Most employees would prefer that you do no social events and instead send all of the money to me.  I will send you my mailing address in a private message.  I think there is a 50-50 chance that you will fall for this since you do not seem all that bright.

There’s no way to know what your fellow employees would prefer unless you ask them.  So ask them. Duh. Don’t ask me.  I’ve never even met them.

—  Evil Skippy

Keep in mind that no matter what you do, someone is going to be annoyed. As Abraham Lincoln once said, “You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not a pizza.”

Pizza.  .  .   Have a pizza party AND bonuses. Or maybe extra toppings instead of bonuses..

Readers — what do you say?

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

My Co-Worker Said I Am Going Through A “Mid-Life Crisis”

by 3 Comments

Dear Evil Skippy:

I bought a new car recently. My dream car – the Ford GT that I have lusted for since high school. One of my co-workers told me that I am probably going through a mid-life crisis.  Is that the sort of thing I should report to my Director?

— Annoyed

Dear Annoyed:

I think you should keep your mid-life crisis to yourself and not tell your boss.

— Evil Skippy

Dear Evil Skippy:

I think “Annoyed” meant, “Should I tell my boss that my co-worker said that?”

— Jim

Dear Jim:

What are you? A mind reader?

Same answer. I think “Annoyed” should keep the fact that he is over-sensitive to age cracks to himself too.

— Evil Skippy

I am going to quibble a little. If this is the only comment by your co-worker about your age (and if you are not being hit with a barrage of age jokes from other co-workers), I agree with ES and recommend that you let it go.  (I would not call you “over sensitive” since I am so polite.)

If, however, this comment is part of a pattern of conduct toward you AND if the comments are not welcome – go ahead and report what is happening. That’s what your harassment policy is for. You might also tell your co-workers that you’re tired of the jokes. If they are not a bunch of rude whipper-snappers, they should lay off.

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

What Can I Do About Monday Absences?

by Leave a Comment

Dear Evil Skippy:

I have been a supervisor for six years. Every summer and holiday season, I have observed the same trend of people being “sick” on Mondays. I can almost predict who is going to call in and when. What can I do to prevent these Monday morning “I won’t be in today” calls?

— Alan

Dear Alan:

Put everyone on a Wednesday through Sunday schedule. No one will be coming in on Mondays so you won’t be getting those annoying calls. On Mondays.

— Evil Skippy

P.S. You described a pattern – a pattern of you not doing your job.  If you have not already talked to your employees about their absence patterns, consider turning in your Supervisor Badge and letting someone else be the boss.

You do need to do your job and make your company’s attendance rules a real workplace practice. Re-read (or read as the case may be) your employee handbook and all of your company’s attendance policies. If you have neither, gather up all the other supervisors, some pitchforks and a torch or two and storm the H.R. manager’s office. Demand that policies be developed immediately. Someone at your company needs to set some expectations so you can enforce them. Hopefully, no storming will be required and you have guidelines.

Once you’ve studied the policies, gather all of your team for a meeting where the sole topic will be attendance. I am serious – don’t talk about the upcoming employee picnic or the endless  “what does everyone have on their plate this week?” question. Read your attendance policies – every word.  Point out the trend in your department of Monday calls as opposed to other days of the week. (You did check the numbers to make sure your hunch about Mondays is correct, right?) Explain your expectation that people will not be absent except for acceptable reasons and explain what you will be doing in the future to verify that people do not abuse the system. (Meet with your boss and H.R. in advance to determine what the policy and practice is supposed to be at your company – don’t develop your own rules since you need to be consistent with the rest of your workplace).

Remember that calling out sick on a Monday is not automatically a bad thing.  It is a bad thing when an employee does it so much that you can predict the absence in advance because I can assure you that you do not have clairvoyant powers. If you did, you would have known what I was going to write and not bothered asking your question.

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

Should I Have Been Reprimanded For One Joke About Kids In Cages?

by 1 Comment

Dear Evil Skippy:

At a staff meeting today, several of my employees were grumbling about new work place timekeeping software. I guess I was not in the mood for whining so I told them to be glad they had a good job and weren’t immigrant kids in a cage. Someone reported this to H.R. and, after talking to me, they gave me a written reprimand for making an “inappropriate comment”.

Dumb or not, was this a discipline event? Would you have issued the reprimand or, as I predict, have told the employees to hold off on complaining until something at work is serious?

— Supervisor

Dear Supervisor:

Get a new crystal ball. Your prediction wasn’t even close. I’d slap you and then slap you again.  I’m Evil, but even I would not joke about all the babies and kids separated from their families and put into detention. 

  • Jokes about hit men and Tasers and dolts – yes.
  • Child abuse – NO.

You are a supervisor. So supervise. Just don’t make dumb comments while doing so.

—  Evil Skippy

I agree with the reprimand. Reprimands are intended to make sure that someone who broke a rule or failed to meet expectations knows what he or she did wrong so that person can correct future behavior. You did wrong. Now you know. Don’t do it again. Reprimand worked – unless you are truly dumb (you said it first) and keep saying such things at work.

Seriously – joking about incarcerated babies and children? You needed a reprimand to know better? Sheesh.

Before anyone else writes to me objecting that the kids (babies!) engaged in “illegal conduct”, may I suggest you read this and also find a new source for your news:

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

Evil Skippy Slaps “Himself”!

by 6 Comments

Dear Evil Skippy:

If I have a sudden urge to slap myself a few times, does it mean I need psychiatric help?

— Jim

Dear Jim:

Not necessarily. It just means you have an adventurous streak. However writing to your own alter-ego does seem to be creeping toward a desperate cry for help.

— Evil Skippy

Yes, readers, it is true. I have slapped myself. It’s only fair since ES has slapped so many poor saps in the past. Here’s what happened.

On Wedensday, I presented my 2018 Harassment Prevention program to a local employer. Not to brag or anything, but I was a smash hit. Attendees were engaged; hands were clapped.  My class members asked great questions and best of all I got lots of laughs. No wonder Jim Gaffigan and Margaret Cho do what they do.  I drove home smiling, even wishing the bad drivers a nice day. Throw me your best pitch, World! I’m ready.

Be careful about tempting the World. The 90-mph pitch hit me in the face and I didn’t even get walked to First Base.

OK, I was not actually playing sports with wooden weapons and projectiles. My physician discourages such activity due to a monumental lack of skill and depth perception — I only catch baseballs by accident. Instead, I was hit by that ubiquitous tormentor of our time –  e-mail. Here is the message, with names changed to protect the innocent:

Jim,

I enjoyed very much your presentation today about harassment in the workplace.  But I have to admit one of your slides bothered me a bit, not that I was offended by it but that it seemed to undermine your presentation a little bit. 

Excuse the interruption and allow me to show you the slide:

 

 

Interruption over. Back to the e-mail:

I may have been the only one that noticed this on your slide with the dirty joke book reference but the authors of the book were Mike Oxbent and Harry P. Ness.  It may never happen that anybody complains about this but I know that if this presentation were to be given to my staff, there is one team member who would express dissatisfaction that an expert on sexual harassment would have shown a slide like this.  My apologies if this was intended to be funny but I thought it was more likely that you didn’t notice.

— Abraham Lincoln

OMG. Have you ever heard the expression, “I died a little inside”? I was water-boarded first. Slaps to me as well as an appointment with the eye doctor.

As bad as this already is, I’ve used this particular slide during the “Is It Harassment?” group exercises for YEARS and never noticed the authors’ names. Never. (I had to read the first name several times before I “got it” – and that was only because I finally read it out loud. Whoops!) It took me about 4.3 seconds to create a new slide:

 

 

So. To any previous class members who noticed the old slide and were appalled – so sorry. To any previous class members who thought, “I bet Jim has no idea. This is hysterical” – good one! You got me! To the rest of you who did not notice – move on and pretend this never happened.

The lesson here? Anyone can screw up. Some of us just do it more dramatically than others.

OK readers, I’ve confessed. Your turn. Help me heal my self-image and share times when you messed up at work in a public way. Pretty please?

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

Not Your Grandpa’s Dress Code

by 1 Comment

Dear Evil Skippy:

My grandpa and dad always told me to wear a tie to interviews but I’ve noticed few young men do so these days. When did the rules change? Should I wear a tie to interviews?

— D.E.T.

Dear DET:

I’m guessing based on your question that you are too old to get an interview anyway, so why worry?

— Evil Skippy

Ouch. That one stung even me.

Speaking as someone of a certain age (60 is pretty certain, right?), I have vast experience about things changing (and about not getting interviews even for jobs I once held). I cringe when I hear myself telling some young whippersnapper, “I remember back when. . . .”

Ties are not as universal as they once were. Beards were gone and now they’re back. Spandex shows up in board rooms. Carbon paper? What’s that?

In answer to your question, my usual advice for both men and women is to check out the prospective workplace before an interview to see what folks wear there. It’s kind of like stalking but it’s for professional research so it’s not creepy. After you do your research, aim to dress slightly more formal than the work group. If you want to wear a tie or a dress and wearing it gives you confidence, wear the tie or the dress. (However, if you are a man and want to wear a dress, that would be a whole different blog post. Maybe in 50 years it won’t be a big deal, but in 2018 a man in a dress at an interview will garner some attention. Whether that attention is good or bad depends on the job).

The key things are to dress as if you already have the job and to exude confidence. If you get too worried about what you are wearing, you will bomb instead of exuding confidence – so don’t worry.

Easier said than done for some people. Good luck and, if you want, tie one on.

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

Ten Ways To Deal With Unwanted Dinner Invitations

by 1 Comment

Dear Evil Skippy:

I have a co-worker who keeps inviting my husband and me to her place for dinner. The thing is, I don’t really like this person and have no desire to get to know her husband. I am very cordial at work and she has mistaken this for me wanting to be real friends with her. I don’t. Work is work, etc. I have turned her down at least ten times but she keeps asking. What can I do to make her stop? It’s annoying.

— Brenda

Dear Brenda:

The answer is simple. Accept the dinner invitation, and then:

  1. Arrive thirty minutes early.
  2. Go through the medicine cabinet and rearrange everything so it is obvious that you did so. Help yourself to any fun medications.
  3. Every ten minutes say, “Doesn’t anyone else smell that? Is it mold?”
  4. When dinner is served, look down at your plate. After an uncomfortable pause ask, “What exactly is this?”
  5. Rearrange your food without eating a thing. Don’t explain.
  6. Ask your co-worker and her husband if they are cousins because they look so much alike.
  7. Burp. Repeatedly.
  8. Mid-way through the main course, tell the story about the video you saw of a heart transplant. Go into great detail.
  9. If the carpet or furniture is white or light, spill your Merlot.
  10. Stay until dawn.

That should do it.  On the other hand, you could just grow a spine and tell your co-worker that you are never going to accept her invitation so she should stop asking. If that is too blunt, see a therapist so you can learn how to handle such an extreme annoyance as a dinner invitation. 

— Evil Skippy

While this may not be an earth-shattering problem, I can see how it would be annoying in the workplace. It’s not like you can avoid the person, right? You’ve been saying no and that has not worked. If you have been making excuses (such as a prior commitment, sunspots or zombies) — stop. Just say no and don’t give a reason. If she still keeps asking, you either have to tell her directly to stop asking or accept the fact that you are going to be rejecting her invitations for the foreseeable future. You could talk to your supervisor if it is THAT annoying. However, put yourself in your supervisor’s place. How would you feel if someone interrupted your real work to tell you that they were annoyed by dinner invitations?

Yes, this is annoying but unless your co-worker is interfering with your ability to do your work, this one sounds like a “deal with it yourself situation” to me. Readers — what do you say?

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

My Employee Abuses The Vacation System

by 3 Comments

Dear Evil Skippy –

I manage a department of 50 employees.  Juggling vacation requests can be a big headache.  We often have more people wanting to be away than we can have be gone at one time.  The 4thof July seems to always be one of the most problematic times because employees want to use more time when the kids are out of school.   We grant vacation on a “first come, first served” basis.  Whoever gets their request approved first gets the time off.  (Employees may request time off up to a year in advance.  Seniority only applies if two people hand in their requests at the same time.)

I have one employee, Mary (not her real name), who always plays the system.  Last year, she called in sick for two days after the Thanksgiving holiday and after her last-minute vacation request had been denied.  I am pretty sure that she was in California with relatives and not home sick, but I can’t prove it.  There have been other times in the past when this happened.

She just asked for the entire week off after the 4th.  Three employees who asked for the days off months ago are already scheduled to be on vacation.  Five other employees previously asked for the same time off and were denied because we can’t handle more than three away right now.   I have a bad feeling that Mary will call in sick again.  This is going to wreck my 4th because I will be anticipating her sick call.  What can I do to stop her from cheating?

–  Sam the Supervisor (Not my real name)

Dear “Sam” –

Mayne you can stop her with a Taser.  They stop people from doing lots of things.

But why taze her or worry yourself?  Just accept the fact that she is going to cheat and enjoy your fireworks and barbecue.  Meanwhile, study the many ways that she may try to trick you – there are web sites devoted to helping employees like her, such as the one at this link.   Check it out and when she calls in sick on Tuesday, be prepared to follow my script.  (Here is an Evil Skippy Helpful Hint:  the more she coughs over the phone when she says she is sick, the more likely it is that she is as healthy as the proverbial horse.)  

Mary:  [Hack, hack, wheeze]  This is Mary.  [Hack, whimper]

You:    Hi Mary.  I was getting worried.  You were due here ten minutes ago.

Mary:  [Choke, hack]  I know.  [Cough, cough]  I am really sick. [Hack, hack, cough]

You:    What a shame.  And you were so healthy on Friday.  So, how late will you be today?

Mary:  Late?  I’m sick!

You:  You sound better now.

Mary:  [Cough, cough]

You:    Cut the drama, Mary.  You know and I know that you just want to extend your vacation.  Stop faking it and get your healthy self here on the double.  If you don’t, every day will be Independence Day for you because you won’t have a job.

How’s that for fireworks?

—  Evil Skippy

Ahem.  Let me translate “Evil Skippy Speak” into a more professional approach.

Evil Skippy is correct that you must confront Mary if she fakes being sick.  It is not fair to the other employees if you let her get away with this.   He is wrong, however, to suggest waiting for her to call in before taking action.  The proverbial healthy horse will already be out of the barn by then.

Assuming that she comes into work the day before the holiday, have a private chat with her.  Tell her that you have noticed her pattern of missing work the day after a holiday.  (Have the attendance records in hand in case she objects that she has never done that.  While you are at it, check to see if Mary has Monday/Friday Absence Syndrome).  Tell Mary that if she calls in sick on the day after the holiday this time, you will require a doctor’s note to verify her condition.  Be sure to document the conversation – perhaps using the methods from The “Draft Performance Evaluation File”: A Supervisor’s Best Friend.

At this point, she may act hurt and say she would never lie to you.  She is lying.  Ignore the lie and just smile as sincerely as you can manage, and say this:  “That’s great to hear.  I’m glad this conversation was not necessary after all.  I was just concerned because we will be short-handed next week.  I know you’re disappointed about not getting to extend the holiday, but as long as you get your forms in earlier next year – you shouldn’t be disappointed again.  See you on the 5th!”

 There you go again, back on the high road.  If your plan does not work, can we light a firecracker under her chair?

No.  But if she calls in and fails to provide an acceptable verification, we can use the Evil Skippy approach of granting her an independence day, every day.

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

My Employee Has A Business Degree And I Don’t

by 1 Comment

Dear Evil Skippy:

One of my employees messed up a project, so I counseled him about his mistakes. It was just a constructive coaching session. It was not a discipline or corrective action matter. I was taken by surprise when this employee said one of his problems was feeling underutilized. When I asked what he meant, he said it was hard for him as a “person with a degree in business management” having to report to someone with a liberal arts degree. (That would be me; my major was American History).

I simply told him he would need to deal with those feelings because the bottom line is he needs to meet expectations. I’m curious – what would you have done in my place?

— Benjamin

Dear Benjamin:

In your place? I would have majored in Political Science or Literature. I simply do not have a good head for dates.

In your place with that employee, I would have told him that it is curious that a smart business major like him managed to mess up the project so completely. As an added bonus, I would have let him know that I will gladly make things easier for him by processing his resignation if he no longer wishes to report to me because it is so hard.

—  Evil Skippy

P.S.  Watch your back. He probably wants your job.

Your employee sounds like a really pleasant fellow. By “really pleasant”, I mean a jerk. He’s trying to rattle you. Ignore his jabs. Since he obviously thinks his job is beneath him, he’s probably looking for greener pastures anyway. Keep your fingers crossed that your he leaves and your next hire majored in Art Appreciation.

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

The Top Ten Questions To Ask Candidates For Promotion To Supervisor

by Leave a Comment

Dear Evil Skippy:

We have an opening for a supervisor and are going to hire someone from within the company. We’ll be interviewing the three finalists next week. Do you have some killer questions we can ask to determine who is the best candidate?

— R.M.

Dear R.M.:

One? How about ten?

Evil Skippy’s Top Ten Questions

To Ask Candidates For Promotion To Supervisor

  1. Are you nuts?
  2. Why on earth would you want to be a supervisor?
  3. Are you nuts?
  4. Other than this desire to be supervisor, do you have any other suicidal impulses?
  5. Are you nuts?
  6. Did you believe all those stories about supervisors make Big Bucks?
  7. Are you nuts?
  8. Do you think water-boarding has its place in the progressive discipline system?
  9. Did you know repetition is the key to learning?
  10. Are you nuts?

—  Evil Skippy

There aren’t magic questions for interviews. Every interviewer and every interviewee is different. The key is to plan ahead and frame questions that will help you gauge an applicant’s fitness for a particular position. You’ve said you are interviewing internal candidates, so your job is a great deal easier than interviewing strangers because you will have the benefit of actual job experience to review. What an applicant says at an interview can be very revealing and helpful, but it will never compare to your observations of what a person actually does on the job. It is not so difficult to “wow” you during a one-hour talk. It’s another thing to impress you over time with one’s demonstrated work ethic, organization and attitude.

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.