Evil Skippy At Work

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The Top Ten People Who I’d Love To Slap

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One of the most disappointing things to me (so far) about our modern age is that we do not have personal jetpacks for travelling around town. Pollution-free, of course. As a child growing up watching The Jetsons (and a grown-up who to this day learns most of his science from cartoons and social media), I truly thought we would have jetpacks by now.

And time travel! We were promised time travel!

Which makes me think. . . about how I would love to go back in time and slap some people from my professional past.

Here’s my top ten:

  1. The boss who failed to come into the office due to a “really bad sliver” after previously expressing great disappointment when I did not rise from my bed in an emergency room to join her at a meeting.
  2. The applicant who tried to kill me and – I admit it – I also want to slap the receptionist in that same story.
  3. That was two.
  4. The co-worker who heated up cod and halibut – not so fresh cod and halibut – in the microwave.
  5. The co-presenter who did not stop talking.
  6. The person who convinced me that a class just about public records retention could be “fun”. (I tried. It wasn’t).
  7. The co-worker who stole my Girl Scout cookies, whoever you are.
  8. The boss who required twenty-year old me to walk drunk ladies to their remotely-parked cars (many of whom groped me and made suggestions that shocked my young ears) – and who later I found out was accepting five dollar tips from these ladies for assigning me to the task.
  9. The co-worker who thought baking a potluck casserole while also using spray-on oven cleaner was “efficient”.
  10. The new supervisor who told me it was wonderful that I was “not good looking” because now everyone knew that she hired based on quality.

Who would you go back and slap? Do tell.

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

My Employee Accused Me Of Spying (Weasel Alert!)

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Dear Evil Skippy:

One of the employees who I supervise is difficult. Let’s call her Sue. Sue does a satisfactory job, but barely. She quibbles all the time about everything, so I have become an expert at documentation. One of her responsibilities is to leave her work area ready for the person on the next shift who uses the same station. Sue often leaves the station in a mess and there have been a few complaints. I told her to be more neat and she argued, so I took photos at the end of two shifts so I could show Sue what was wrong. She immediately accused me of spying and surveillance. I explained several times that I was merely documenting how the area looked so we could talk. She kept saying it was illegal spying and she was going to file a complaint, but so far I have not heard anything. Is it really surveillance to take a photo?

— Supervisor

Dear “Supervisor”:

You did not take a photo, but you took a weasel. Here’s why:

  1. You told Sue to leave the workstation in a neat state.
  2. She changed the subject.
  3. You let her and talked about your photo instead of her failure to meet expectations.

Remember the first rule of supervision: Take No Weasels.

                          — Evil Skippy

P.S. Did you notice that I put “Supervisor” in quotes? That was a slam, one step below a Slap.

 

For those of you new to this site, here and here are almost everything you need to know about weasels.

There was nothing illegal about taking a photograph of the work station.  When you hear about illegal workplace surveillance, generally it refers to employers using hidden cameras to keep tabs on workers and not telling anyone they are doing so.  The law can vary from state to state and union rules can also apply.  However, taking a photo of a work area — especially one where no people are in view — is legal.

Your employee does indeed sound difficult.  Keep doing your job and leave the weasels alone.

 

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

Calling In Sick Is For Slackers

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Dear Evil Skippy:

I work with a bunch of slackers.  Once again this week, I have had to cover for one of my co-workers who is out “sick”.  I put sick in quotes because this co-worker just had a cold.   I can understand staying home if you are so sick you can’t get out of bed, but staying home for a cold or anything else mild is unfair to the rest of us who have to do your work.  What can hard-working people do to stop others from taking advantage?

– Diligent Employee

Dear Diligent:

Were you in one of my training sessions last week?  I ask because I have come down with the cold from hell and I’m wondering if you are the one who was hacking and sneezing and passing it along to me.

You think everyone else is a slacker.  I have news for you.  We think you are Typhoid Mary.

I hereby declare you to be the hardest worker in America.  There. Is that enough recognition?  Now will you stay home when you are contagious?  You are not being diligent – you are being selfish.  We are not impressed when you tell us you are plugging away even though you’re sick.  We just want to slap you, but only if we can first find a surgical mask and hand sanitizer.

                     – Evil Skippy

Sorry if that was a bit harsh.  ES is still a bit feverish. I do see your point if you are talking about a mild case of the sniffles. However, if you are hacking and sneezing and feverish – stop sharing.

Readers, what do you say? Stay home or spread the joy of sore throats and fever?

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

I Want Snow Day Perks Like My Co-Workers In Seattle, Chicago . . .

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Dear Evil Skippy:

I work for a large company with offices all over the United States.  One of our policies allows employees to work from home on snow days.  I am based in Phoenix, Arizona.  I never get snow days.  I would love to work from home once in a while, but I don’t get to do that.  It’s not right that my colleagues in other states get added opportunities to work from home but I never do.  I hate the emails they send and casually mention that they are working in their robe and drinking hot chocolate.   Shouldn’t my employer have to balance out this benefit?  It seems like a form of geographic-based discrimination to me.

—  Wants Equality

Dear Wants:

If you want to use this “benefit” so much, move to Fargo.  Problem solved.

Otherwise, you’ll have to chalk this up to yet another example of LIFE’S NOT FAIR.  Shout it if you like.  Some of your colleagues probably receive lots of paid leave benefits for things like cancer treatment.  Are you also annoyed that they get this “benefit” while you do not?  How about bereavement leave?  Do you feel wronged unless you get a day off whenever someone else does? (Hint: These questions are why you’ve received the FIRST EVIL SKIPPY SLAP OF 2019!)

Come to think of it, bereavement leave bugs me a lot.   Both of my parents, two siblings and all of my grand-parents passed away years ago.  (Not at the same time). I don’t have as much of a chance to cash in on a benefit like that as other people.  Unfair!  Unfair!

You do not always get everything you want.  That applies to life and it applies to the workplace.  Not expecting your employer to achieve the impossible is a giant leap forward toward creating a great workplace for yourself.   No one benefits from impossible expectations.  Write that down.

Here’s a way you might use the existing “benefit.”  The next time it snows in Fargo, call in and say that you are taking a snow day.  Check first to make sure that your snow day policy does not specify that you yourself have to live in the snowy area.  If anyone semi-competent drafted the policy and it clearly does not apply to you, this won’t work.  If that’s the case, be grateful that you never have to shovel your way to get to your car or a pub.

Better yet – if you haven’t already done so, ask your boss if you can work from home once in a while.  It can’t hurt to ask.  Just don’t get all pouty about it and start referring to those “lucky” people living through a blizzard.

                               — Evil Skippy

P.S.  I am typing this while relaxing in my robe and drinking a chocolate martini.

 

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

How Do I Stop Misbehaving Employees From Becoming Harassers?

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Dear Evil Skippy:

I manage a manufacturing department that includes over 100 employees and four supervisors. I am developing guidelines to help us keep some bad apples from morphing into full-fledged harassment claims in court. Do you have any tips for how supervisors can keep misbehaving employees from becoming harassers?

— The Boss

Dear Boss:

Hopes, prayers and Tasers.

            — Evil Skippy

As I’ve mentioned many times over the years and will continue to say despite ES’s contradictions: TASERS ARE NOT NOW AND WILL NEVER BE AN ACCEPTABLE SUPERVISORY TOOL.

Your focus appears to be on keeping your company out of court. I’d suggest that you change that focus to providing the best services or product while maintaining a great work environment – but then I am such a sentimental sap who wants people to lead happy lives. Go ahead and focus on not getting hit with a lawsuit if you want. I’m going to give you the same advice either way.

Instead of using your brain energy on lawsuit prevention, spend it on enforcing your existing code of conduct. You should already have a general policy on workplace conduct as well as a policy against harassment. Using my ESP skills, I predict that whatever the actual words might be, the gist of your policies is that employees must conduct themselves in a professional and respectful manner at all times towards co-workers, customers and anyone else who enters the workplace. (If you don’t have such policies, consult with an experienced human resources professional or attorney yesterday – you’ve got bigger problems than my blog can handle.)

It sounds simple – and it kind of is – but the main thing you need to do is enforce your existing policy on civil behavior. If you and your management team coach your workers (and lead by example) to always be professionally civil, your odds of “morphing” into a lawsuit are greatly reduced. Don’t devote your energy to preventing employees from behaving so badly that it becomes illegal. Devote it to coaching (or reprimanding) employees who stray from the civil zone before they get too close to the land of unlawful harassment.

It’s like gardening. Take care of the small problems (newly sprouting weeds, a stray insect pest) before they become huge issues. Enforce your existing policy every day and good behavior will follow.

 

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

Should I Fire Someone For A Wardrobe Malfunction?

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Dear Evil Skippy:

One of my employees accidentally exposed herself at work — to customers and co-workers alike. Should I fire her?

— The Boss

Dear Boss:

Leave poor Janet Jackson alone. That was so long ago.

               — Evil Skippy

Your letter raises questions that are going to keep me up at night. Here are some of them:

  1. What do you mean by “accidentally”?
  2. What was exposed? A body part? Her secret past?
  3. Was she wearing a company uniform? (Because if a wardrobe malfunction really was involved, it could be YOUR fault).

In the absence of useful details, I will take you at your word and assume this was a true accident and refer you to my post from a few years ago, “Should An Employee Be Fired For Making A Mistake?”  Happy reading.

 

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

I Was Disciplined Because Of The Password Policy

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Dear Evil Skippy:

My employer insists that all of us change our computer passwords every three months.  We are not allowed to leave a password list at our desk.  The passwords have to have both symbols and letters and can’t use any part of our name.  It’s crazy.  When I get back from a vacation or business trip or just a weekend after the passwords are changed, I can’t remember the new one.  It makes me want to scream.  Now I have been given a double reprimand due to the password policy.  I was written up for having an “inappropriate password” (%ihatemyjob^) and for giving my password to a co-worker without prior permission from my supervisor or IT.  It was the only way to get a project done and now I am being punished.  How can I put a stop to this craziness?  If you can’t think of a way for me to get the password policy changed, how about coming up with some good passwords that I won’t forget?

—  In Password Pain

Dear I.P.P.:

You sure have a way with words (excluding passwords).  You were not reprimanded “due” to the policy.  You were reprimanded because you violated the policy.  Now take a deep breath and channel your inner adult before you follow my simple instructions.

First, accept the fact that workplaces have rules and you have to follow them if you want to work there.  It’s called being an adult.  You should try it.

Second, stop making excuses.  You knew you were not supposed to give out your password but you did anyway.  You weren’t terminated; you were just reprimanded.  Start following the rules and you won’t have any more problems like that. 

As for some memorable passwords, here are the first ones to jump into my mind:

  1. read^evil^skippy^every*day
  2. send$evil$skippy$money!
  3. stop*whining&start-working
  4. what^would*evil^skippy#do?

That should get you through to 2020.

You’re welcome,

                                                                                              —  Evil Skippy

When you are coming up with new passwords, be sure not to select any of the following which were identified in Forbes magazine as the twenty worst (i.e. easiest to hack) passwords of 2018:

No. 20:  [email protected]#$%^&*

No. 19: 654321

No. 18: monkey

No. 17: 123123

No. 16: football

No. 15: abc123

No. 14: 666666

N0. 13:  welcome

No. 12: admin

No. 11: princess

No. 10: iloveyou

No. 9: qwerty

No. 8: sunshine

No. 7: 1234567

No. 6: 111111

No. 5: 12345

No. 4: 12345678

No. 3: 123456789

No. 2: password

And the winner is: 123456

[Monkey????]

 

I sympathize with you about the memory malfunctions.  The same thing used to happen to me with passwords back in my law firm days.  However, I also sympathize with your employer.  Cyber security is important.  I worked on a case where one employee hacked into another’s e-mail to send messages to other people that appeared to be coming from the co-worker.  (The law enforcement agencies that became involved were not amused).  Bad passwords can contribute to the undesired release of confidential information (both company secrets and employees’ private information – like social security numbers and weight loss history).  Worst case scenario – co-workers might write fake status updates on your Facebook page.

Help avoid these horrors by figuring out a way to stay in compliance with the policy without driving yourself crazy.  Try the adult method.  Meet with your boss and tell him or her about your difficulty with the ever-changing codes.  Acknowledge that you are not allowed to keep the passwords written down at work, but ask if you can keep the password in your wallet or purse.  Promise not to leave it on your desk or in a drawer.

With a little effort on your part, you will be able to figure out passwords that you won’t forget.  You just have to stop convincing yourself in advance that you can’t do it.  The one and only exception is if you have an actual physical or mental condition that prevents you from remembering the passwords.  By “actual”, I mean diagnosed by a medical professional.  If you are physically or mentally unable to remember passwords, then your employer should work with you to come up with a reasonable accommodation.

I have a hunch that some ES fans will know great schemes for remembering passwords at work.  Do share.

 

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

The Top 10 Reasons Skippy Has Been MIA

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Greetings loyal readers. Please accept my apologies for the lengthy hiatus. I’m back, so watch out!

 

  1. All the fun I had in the 1970s finally caught up and I was resting.
  2. Grandfather-hood (see photo).
  3. Surprising life changes – as in Suddenly Single at 60.
  4. Couldn’t compete with the news.
  5. Tried to learn how to speak Czech.
  6. Busy performing stand up comedy.
  7. Training for the Warrior Dash.
  8. Waiting for everyone to beg me to come back.
  9. Lobbying to be cast in the remake of “9 to 5” (no luck so far)
  10. The terms of my witness protection program.

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.

Where Have You Been, Evil Skippy??

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Dearest Readers (and the rest of you):

Sorry to have gone silent. I’ve been selfishly focusing on myself — new single hood, new age, wondering if there is a place in this land for someone who thinks every human deserves love, respect and honor.  I promise to be back after the recharging. For now, greetings from Prague!

Jim

The Resume Is Full Of Trite Cliches

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Dear Evil Skippy:

I work as a Human Resources Assistant. One of my duties is to review resumes to determine who should be interviewed. I am beginning to think applicants have all gone to the same resume seminar because they seem to have all developed an inability to communicate in plain English. Instead, the resumes use trite cliches such as applicants are “looking for increased responsibility to exercise their relationship and leadership skills” or have “a proven record for being a team player and thinking outside the box”. One recent applicant used the word “proactive” eleven times. They all seem to have a checklist to make sure they say things like “synergy”, “strategic thinker” or “value added”.

It is often just a bunch of gibberish. Would you simply reject the applicant or offer them some helpful hints?

— Pam

Dear Pam:

I would send them a letter in their own language, such as this:

Dear Applicant:

In our mission to be a proactive employer of choice, we apply strategic thinking and critical analysis to make every hiring decision a win-win situation.

You didn’t win.

Sincerely,

ABC Corp.

Bonus points if you can fit in “paradigm shift”, “low hanging fruit” or “push the envelope”

— Evil Skippy

Boiler-plate and cut-and-paste resumes are a quick way for a qualified applicant to become part of the rejection pile. However, unless the position you have open is that of “Resume Writer” or another job that requires strong writing skills, I would not immediately reject an applicant because of a cliché-ridden resume. The person might be the best sales person/widget-maker/hair stylist/whatever who you have ever encountered. Channel your inner Sherlock Holmes and really read the experience and education sections of the resume to see if the person is someone who might meet your needs. That’s your job, right?

Remember, your applicant might have a great looking resume simply because she or he hired someone competent to write it. Don’t assume it reflects the person’s actual writing skills.

Last but not least, unless an applicant asks you what you think of the resume – keep your editing thoughts to yourself.

Readers – what do you say?

Evil Skippy and/or Jim are available to speak at your conferences and seminars! For information or to send a question for Evil Skippy to answer, use the “Contact” link on the left sidebar.